I did not lost my breath,
I just stopped from heaving deep sighs
when I've felt like every air I breathe aches my nostrils
and it makes me suffocated for more;
damped from chilly air and cold bathe.
I wanna held my head high;
get up from my wretched soul
caused by ruptured expectations,
caused by heartbreaks,
caused by my innermost demons.
I did not intend to fail their assumed expectancy;
to be a flawless child of their own,
to pursue a law degree,
to excell in everything possible,
to follow their unbreakable commands.
I wanna destroy this chain of puppetry.
I am tired of the weight they've putted unto it,
I am numb of all the pang right in my heart
like a water drowning me to a tub.
I am done with pretending fine.
I did not plan to hurt my friend's feelings.
I didn't mean to fall for the same guy that she likes.
Perhaps, we have fallen in love before she came cross our path.
There she is, assuming I am the one who stabbed her back—
As if I am responsible of her mistaken fantasy.
I wanna free myself from our shattered friendship;
Unclasping the bond that's keeping me from letting go—
memories and experiences we shared.
Disregarding the damage of this bad romance
and neglecting agonies done by betrayal.
I did not entertain my reckless suitor of forlorn
for it was him who shove me to my sunken hopes.
I am gasping for air as I brag down the water against my will,
but who wouldn't drown with this whirlwind occurrence?
Who wouldn't wish to escape from cruelty?
No. I did not drown from bathe nor died from cold.
I downed as I yearn to sense life beyond numbness,
I died as I drown to fill my lungs with pain as I feel again.
This is what I long for and even just for this submerged sanity,
I know how to feel again.
