the blue and the solace

makeshift drugs

pretty girls
with their pretty little lives
and a love enough
to make them feel alive
i exhale
the smoke from these pretend cigarettes
a wannabe junkie on the run
getting high on Lana
my makeshift drug
i am now on the other side
with my hands clutching my hair
i chop them off
it's an awful sight
but this sight is me.
i never wanted to be like them
i wanted to be them
because if i'm not good enough
then i am not enough.
it's a colossal mess
this mind of mine,
an identity
lost between these lives.