Into An Idiot

4. Grounded

I'm grounded.
I scream, and bang my fists against my desk.
All I want is to go to the Irwin's house.
I couldn't get the permanent marker out of my shirt, so I threw it away.
I have nothing to do.
I see my camera on my desk, and my acoustic guitar case in the corner of my room.
I pick up the case and take my guitar out. I put the camera on the desk, standing it up and pressing record. I haven't practiced this song in a while, even though I find it difficult to play.
"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me, and just forget the world. I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel..." I sing. I can't help of think of Sophia, and tear up. "...If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world."
My voice cracks, but I don't care.
"Let's waste time, Chasing cars, Around our heads..." I don't care about anything but the lyrics, the chords, and Sophia right now. "...if I just lay here, would you lie with me, and just forget the world."
I put away my guitar and camera.
I'm not going to ask Luke to upload this to his channel. It's not good enough for him. And I cried, I'm not letting everyone see that.
I lay on my back in bed, staring up at the ceiling.
I miss Sophia.
I know I've seen her a few hours earlier, but it's not the same as having her next to me. I roll over and stare at my wall. A tear rolls down my cheek.
I sigh, but it turns into a sob.
I can't sleep. I keep thinking of Sophia.
I don't care that I have school in the morning. I don't want to go.
I'm probably going to get slammed into a locker, punched, kicked, cursed at...
Just for trying to protect my best friend and her brother.
Stress piles on top of me, and I feel it pressuring me. It's terrifying. My stomach ties in a knot, my breathing becomes faster, and my face heats up.
I cry for a bunch of reasons now.
Eventually I begin to feel drowsy.
I lay on my pillow, letting the last few tears drip onto the fabric.
I close my eyes.
//
\\
"Hang on, she won't answer me. Soph, do you want to talk to Michael?"
I hold the phone to my ear, leaning against the wall of the kitchen.
"She... er... says yes." Ashton says awkwardly.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I mean she's listening, but she won't say anything. She's just nodding and shaking her head." Something rustles the phone. "Oh, hang on, she's taking the phone."
"Hi." Sophia's shaky voice says on the other line.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask. I hear her crying.
"He humiliated me in front of everyone."
"Who, Jack?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Well, what did he say?"
"He started yelling things about Ashton, and how dumb we both are, and then he started talking about the house, and our parents, and I tried to interrupt but all he said was. 'Are you on your period or something?'."
"And what did you say back?"
"I said, 'I started my day sitting in a pool of my own blood, is that how you'd like to end yours?' and then he said 'Oh, like your friend's gonna beat me up. I ran him out of the school. The Idiot didn't even show up today.'"
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." I say into the phone.
"Can you come over?" She whines.
"Absolutely." I say. I hang up and start walking.
By the time I get to their house, I'm soaking wet. The rain has been falling steadily since this morning.
Sophia gets up off the couch, giving me a hug, her arms around my neck.
I'm so much taller than her.
She moves her arms down my back, and reaches one hand into my pocket. Her fingers close around the one small object in it.
The tiny piece of cold metal being lifted out of my pocket makes my heart thud.
She takes it out and holds it, pulling back her sleeve.
"Sophia, don't!" I yell, smacking her arm.
My blade goes flying across the room, and I run and pick it up.
Sophia wails and buries her face in her hands.
"Don't start, Soph. Please don't. Never start. It's an addiction. Once you start you can't stop."
"But I thought you stopped! I thought you stopped!" She cries.
I sit down on the floor, back against the couch, and she sits next to me. I wrap my arm around her.
"See, you start once, thinking that nobody will realize and nobody will know, then they start realizing and you try to stop, but you can't, it just comes over you, engulfing you, becoming a part of you." I say, taking my arm off her shoulder.
I pull back my sleeve, and she gasps.
"Oh my god, Michael..."
Etched on my forearm in scabs and scars, five letters are spelled out.
"Idiot." She whispers.
"I'm an idiot." I say quietly. "A worthless, stupid, idiot."
She buries her head in my neck and gives me a hug. She squeezes me so tightly it kind of hurts. "Never leave me." She whispers. I sob once and let my head lay on top of hers.
"I don't want to." I reply.