Deceasedless [A Personal Journal] - on hold-

Mom.

     Matilda watched as the trees zoomed by, and the music blared from the music player. She couldn't even hear Louis chatting it up. She was just glad to of completed her first week of being alive again. It felt good it some way. But sometimes she wished she was still dead. From this week, she'd learned that this wouldn't be a bland repeat. It'd be different in some ways. Matilda was pleased, and just glad to be with her mother. 

They listened to Ed Sheeran as they drove to the mall. Matilda smiled, her face pressed against the window. She loved her mother. At home, everything was strict, quiet, and Christian. Here, Matilda could actually show herself, her true self. You seem to love your mom. Louis sounded. I do. She's my favorite person. Louis almost seemed jealous. Wish I could say the same.   

The Mall.

Matilda loved the mall. All the stores, options, it was so lovely. She dragged her mom into a store happily. "Look at all these cute outfits." Matilda smiled, staring up at the outfit perfectly fitted onto a mannequin. It was a striped shirt, with a skirt with suspender straps. Matilda adored this outfit. Her mom smiled, asking how much the outfit was. "$45." The store clerk replied. Oof. Mom bought it anyway.

Matilda smiled up at her mom as they explored more stores, until they traveled to the food court. She ordered something simple. Mozzarella Sticks. Matilda loved mozzarella sticks. They were the best food ever. She sat down with her mom and smiled. "You're like my little clone." Her mother smiled. "Tall, long black hair.. your green eyes. I love you Tilly." She purred. Matilda beamed. "Thanks mom." 

Movie Night. 

Matilda sat next to her mom, watching the movie with focus. She hoped it was good, but so far it was awful. Oh well, She thought. At least I'm with my mom. That's always good. Louis purred. I wish my mom cared about me as much as yours does. Matilda frowned. I care about you. Louis smiled. I care about you too Tilly. 

The movie ended, and Matilda shuffled out of the theatre with her mom. She was laughed and joking about how bad the movie was. She met eye contact with someone. Someone disgusting. Ray Croy. 

His arm was wrapped around Avis liked he owned her. He met eyes with her. They locked eyes and he smiled, waving. "Is that one of your school friends? Hi!!" Her mom purred. Ray smirked as he walked over with Avis. "Did you see that garbage movie?" She asked. "Avis and I made out the whole time." Ray snickered, his stare cutting right through her. Matilda felt her heart drop. He hasn't even hurt me yet! But it's as if he knows! She cried silently. It'll be okay Matilda! Just think of how funny it'll be when he sees how you recover! Matilda gripped onto that hope with an iron fist. 

Monday Morning

Matilda was dropped off at her dad's house at 5 am sharp, her dad stared down at her from the threshold. She passed him, not acknowledging anything. She tramped upstairs, opening her closet. "What should I wear?" Matilda asked herself with a sleepy yawn. White short sleeve, with your school spirit jacket. Oh! And a plaid skirt with black stockings and boots. Louis purred. She was surprised with how good a ghost could match clothes. Matilda asked him, and he just shrugged. I just know. 

She walked to the bus stop begrudgingly, her steps slow. Maybe she'd miss the bus, than pops would have to drive her to school. Matilda played with the idea before she ended up at the bus stop. She sighed, sitting in her seat. Her bus driver dipped his hat to everyone as they passed, and checked if they had cups of coffee. He made you pay a fee if you had one. 50 cents. Matilda didn't like coffee, she liked cocoa. 

Avis sat next to her, sighing sadly. She sighed repeatedly until Matilda asked what was wrong. "I feel like you don't like me." Avis pouted. "I do," She lied. "I've just been stressed lately." Matilda came up with an excuse. "Yeah but," She dragon-breathed, her sharp sigh making Matilda roll her eyes into another plane of existence. "You don't like Ray and I." Avis whimpered. "No I do!" She lied again. Matilda always bit her lip when she lied. "Trust me Avy, I do." Avis smiled. "Good."

Maggie and Sawyer

Matilda loved Maggie and Sawyer. They were her best friends. Maggie was wearing something aBSolUTelY beautiful. It was a crop-sweater, and some nice jorts with sandals.  It made her short, round body look even cuter than it was before. Sawyer had dyed his hair again. It was the lesbian flag. "For Maggie," He snickered. "And for my older sister." Sawyer was sweet. Matilda felt so warm next to both of them. "You ready for our first YAA meeting this week?" Maggie asked. "Of.. Of course!" She purred in response. Maggie smiled brightly, and Sawyer patted her head. "We also are in Art Club. You can join us tomorrow if you'd like." He purred. Matilda nodded. The bell ruined everything. "Catch ya later Tilly!" Maggie waved. "Wanna walk to class?" Sawyer asked. Matilda nodded sharply. 

"Me and Maggie started YAA because Maggie was kicked out of her house when she came out, and now she's living in the homeless shelter down the street." Sawyer murmured as they walked. Matilda frowned. Poor Maggie. Louis sounded. Yeah, poor Maggie. "YAA is supposed to be a safe place for us sad kids to talk about being sad." He explained. Matilda smiled softly, and Sawyer looked away. "I-..I wanted to make myself more than just, the kid who brought a lighter to school." He sighed. "I wanted to be better. And Maggie did that for me." Sawyer bit his lip. Matilda bit hers. "I hope you can do that for me too, Tilly." Matilda melted. She melted so much, she tripped. Her books flew away like birds from a cat. Sawyer immediately retrieved them, and helped Matilda up, handing her the books. "Be careful," He smiled. Matilda laughed awkwardly. "I will, don't worry Sawyer."