fight for us ↠ harry styles [b2] ✓

CHAPTER 3

3—Renleigh Kensington

If I knew that being pregnant would give me so many excuses to not do shit and to do shit, I would have gotten myself knocked up ages ago. Then again, it did happen once already and every time I was reminded of this, I felt weird. This was sort of like a second chance for me to do things right, not that there was anything wrong with how everything turned out the first time.

The thing is, every time I thought about me being pregnant, I just associated it with the first time. Genuinely, every single thought I had, the first time lurked in the back of my mind at the same time and never let me forget about it. Guilt ate up my insides and negative thoughts flooded my mind. I hated every second of it. I wanted this to be a positive experience because pregnancy was meant to be a good thing, right? It was all about growing your family and bringing another human into the world.

Yet here I was, only associating it with bad things.

In more than one way, I felt like it built a wall between me and Harry. He was always so excited talking about it and I just nodded along and smiled, not sharing the same excitement. At least, not to the same level. I know he noticed but I also had a feeling he just brushed it under the 'oh she's pregnant, it must be the getting accustomed to it all' pile.

Although that may have actually been the reason, I still felt bad.

I just had the worst fucking experience so far so actually, being able to do whatever I wanted by being pregnant, wasn't as much of a positive as it could have been. To be honest, I still did everything the same so it didn't even matter and that statement from before made no sense.

Much like this random idea of Harry's which included us leaving the house. He told me this morning that he had plans for us for the afternoon but then he didn't come home until like half five. He woke me up from a nap when he came back, he made unnecessary loud noises and spoke louder than he should have. He seemed to be in a cheery mood and it was difficult not to smile when he acted all cute and shit.

I swear I couldn't stand his ass sometimes.

"It's someone's someone's mum's gallery and I heard so much about it. I thought we could check it out," he said when I asked why he wanted to go even though it was so late. "It won't be that busy which is gonna be good for us. I wouldn't want us to go otherwise, I'm not going to put you in danger."

"What kind of danger could there be during busy periods?" I chuckled. "There's nothing seriously wrong with me—I'm pregnant."

"Look, I heard about one too many occasions of women miscarrying due to whatever reason. That is not about to happen to us, alright?"

"Doesn't answer my question."

"I don't want you surrounded by hundreds of people for multiple reasons. First of all, I know you don't do well with big crowds because you feel too packed in but it's not claustrophobia. Second of all, I simply hate the thought of you being around too many people, pushing and pulling in crowds, no matter if we're talking about a gallery or not. Something could happen that starts a riot and I've ran every possible scenario through my head of what could happen."

Remember when I said he was more stressed about me being pregnant than I was?

Well, here is exhibit A of paranoid pregnant Harry.

Eventually, he looked at me when I didn't answer and he practically made me answer.

"Listen. I know this stresses you out but I know what I can and cannot handle, alright?" I reassured him, for quite literally the millionth time since me being pregnant became public knowledge. "Sometimes, I feel as though you're overthinking the situation and you kind of treat me like I'm unable to do things just because I have a kid in me."