fight for us ↠ harry styles [b2] ✓

CHAPTER 47

47—Renleigh Kensington

MONTHS LATER: 2023

It took a while to get used to having two children. A toddler and an almost-one-year-old. Juggling them with keeping the house going, the dog taken care of, my company afloat and my relationship healthy and together, I was put to a test. A test I never had any time to prepare for, no material to use for revision. Sure, there was basic advice from outsiders as well as friends and family, but that only did so much for me in practice. Their circumstances were not like mine, ergo everything they said was ultimately useless to me. To be completely honest, by the end of it, I refused to ask for any help because all it did was stress me out. Hearing how other people coped with certain challenges and me not having the same approach or outcome, put me in a mindset that I found hard to leave. My depressive episodes were back and as hard as I tried to make them go away, or at least keep under control, it was clear that things were getting out of control.

That's where Harry decided to step up and take practically everything off of my hands. As usual, he'd been amazing throughout all of this but not even that made my experience of being a mother of two any lighter. He was still on paternity leave from work—although he wouldn't have gone back, even if his time would've been up—so he could help me out as much as possible. Our new lifestyle took a toll on us to the point where we cried together sometimes. I know. Pretty pathetic. But that's what happens when you lose sleep and things don't work out the way you want them to. We weren't so bad the first time around, or at least I didn't believe so, and alright, perhaps we weren't bad now, either. We just weren't used to it, which makes sense, because no one can prepare you for something like this. Experience prepares you.

Over time, Leila Grace had become potty trained, which solved the issue of having to buy a shit ton of nappies. Now, we only needed half and it was for Alexander. Leila turned two, shortly after I turned thirty-two, and she was a lot more talkative than before. Obviously, it came with mood changes like I'd never seen before, though knowing myself, it was nothing I didn't expect. She was just like me and in petty arguments between me and Harry, he was sure to mention it every single time. Those arguments would set Alexander off most of the time because somehow, he was around whenever we broke into a word-fight. He was worse as a baby than Leila. Where she was calm and slept through the night like a saint by the time she was as old as Alexander was now, he refused to sleep and when he refused to sleep, he wept. I swear I had never heard a baby scream like that, not even a person who was being murdered on a TV show. He outdid everyone and everything and I was certain my hearing was no longer one-hundred percent.

In the midst of all of this, Harry and I came to the conclusion that we'll put Leila Grace in a part-time schooling program. She simply had too much energy and we couldn't deal with her. Giving her a routine and being around other children her age, in an environment where professionals can work with her, was bound to be good. If there was one thing that I did take away from the advice we got from friends—particularly from Zayn and Charlotte—was that they didn't regret introducing this program into TJ's life. Leila was set to start this September and we'll just see how it all goes for her. She is a smart girl, she is interested and to me, she feels ready for something like this. Harry thought the same thing after hours and hours of us talking about all things school related. We both wanted the kids to have the best possible education, even if it meant picking a private school. We both went to public schools, which is completely fine and there is nothing wrong with them, but we had the finances to make that decision if we wanted to go down that road.

Today, though... today was rough. I had a video meeting regarding my plans of opening a new shop in Los Angeles, with there being two in New York already, and it didn't go over so well. Taking everything in me to not break down while I spoke to the people involved, the moment the camera stopped showing me and the laptop was shut down, I pulled my feet up on my swivel chair, wrapped my arms around my legs and sobbed to myself. Hours upon hours of work and the outcome wasn't how I wanted it to be. One would think that things like this become easier with my brand growing and covering more areas, but if anything, people are questioning me more. Granted, the market is quite saturated when it comes to a place like Los Angeles in particular, but still. My proposal was top notch, even Harry went over it and he was sold after I presented it to him. To help me prepare, he even suggested we dress up like it was a real scenario and he really did like it. That may have inflated my hopes even more, since his opinion mattered to me a lot and seeing him so happy with it, made me think my chances were good.