fight for us ↠ harry styles [b2] ✓

CHAPTER 40

40—Harry Styles

Watford was the perfect place for someone like my best friend. It fit his interests, it fit his life, his work. Although it put some distance between us, we weren't the closest of people for some time now, anyway. Both of us busy with life, it only made sense for us to lose touch but not completely. It was never forever. Precisely why he wasn't surprised to see me when I turned up at his place last night. He was holding a bottle of beer and glasses sat on his nose, a black hoodie on top and a navy pair of joggers covering his legs. Surprise filled his eyes and his lips parted when he found me, looking like shit and a knot of nerves, about to explode in front of his door. Levi was alerted and quick to welcome me inside and he called out 'Alexa, stop the music' as we entered his living room. He had papers on the coffee table and his MacBook beside it, a paper bag from Wagamama's on the floor and a few empty beer bottles.

Then we talked. Levi had a hunch I didn't turn up and interrupt his evening of catching up on work for nothing. Pretty sure my facial expression gave that away, just as much as my sudden appearance, though. He got me a cold beer to get me started and I couldn't stop. There was so much he had to know, so much that I didn't even know I had to get off my chest.

Talking about the loss of my sister, happened with great difficulty. Levi knew her well and it shocked him to hear about it. That was when he offered to me to stay the night, telling me that my cousin was away and he'd be spending the next few nights without his fiancée. Taking up on his proposition, we continued to talk until I couldn't do it anymore. I went for a shower and he got me some clothes to change into. Standing under the warm water after hours of talking about my feelings, exhaustion took its toll on me. Barely making it upstairs, I flopped on the bed that Levi made for me and I was out like a light, whilst he continued his conference call with some business people on the other side of the world.

The morning that followed was the same as the day before. Not much had changed. Levi wasn't downstairs once I woke up, brushed my face and teeth, changed into my clothes and wandered into the livingroom. I guess that changed. It became pretty obvious to me that he left for work, the thought confirmed by the note planted onto the fridge door with a magnet. I pulled it open by the handle and picked out the butter then slid it across the counter as I picked out a piece of bread and popped it in the toaster. My stomach grumbled and it had done so at least six times already so the only thing to do to prevent it from happening was eating. I wasn't hungry, though. I munched away on the crispy, buttered toast as I put away the things I used.

I should go back home.

I left Renleigh. Again. On the same day.

The thought triggered an unsettling feeling in my stomach. Leaving wasn't something I enjoyed. I had to do it, though. My head made me think the walls were closing in on me, suffocating me as everything started moving inwards, thoughts spiralling without the intention of slowing down. Renleigh wanted to help but I didn't want to be helped. I didn't want her to treat me like broken glass. I didn't want her to look at me with pity and sadness in her eyes.

Blaming it on the fact that I lost my sister would've been the easy way out. The only option here was to be upfront about it with her and how I feel, rather than running off without an explanation. Although I sent her a message on Instagram to tell her I was staying with a friend, she left me on seen. That wasn't anything new yet it felt different because the situation was not like normal. Even thinking back to it, I sighed and threw the remainder of my toast in the bin. I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, took the keys that Levi left for me to lock up his place then went home.

When I got to the gate, I stopped the car and sat there for a while. I didn't know why exactly I dreaded driving up the street and parking by the house then entering. It didn't make much sense and maybe I refused to make sense of it. There was a time when Renleigh would've been really mad at me for acting this way but she wasn't like that anymore. I had nothing to fear.