003
jeno was being painfully desperate. he was told to be home by 8 – it was currently 7:58 pm and jeno was still at renjun's house, laying on his bed and trying his absolute best not to kiss him right then and there. the last thing jeno wanted was to get home to his angry father, but he decided that trying to get renjun to fall asleep was more important right now.
"if you don't fall asleep soon, i'll kiss you." jeno whispered, voice tiresome. probably not something anyone would say out of the blue (and especially not when talking to the person you're so helplessly in love with), but between them (for some reason) it was okay.
"why do you think i'm trying not to fall asleep?" renjun argued (playfully).
jeno froze.
"i'm joking, jen." there it was again – the gentle laughter of the boy who was so fucking oblivious to the fact that his best friend was in love with him.
"you seem to joke a lot recently, renjun. cut it, yeah?"
jeno hated being that person, but recently renjun had been messing with his feelings more than he could handle and he didn't know if he would be able to go through one more of renjun's antics without shoving him against the wall and kissing him.
"fine, fine." a loud sigh followed, "i just didn't think you'd be this sensitive."
the moment those words escaped his lips, renjun felt his heart drop. he had forgotten the entire fact that jeno, as much as he hated to acknowledge it, was extremely sensitive.
it didn't take much of a brain to realize that renjun didn't mean it, at least not in the way it had come out, but in the heat of the moment jeno had suddenly forgotten how to breathe properly and his vision had started to become cloudy way faster than he wanted. "renjun, fuck off."
jeno grabbed his coat that was slung on a chair, slammed renjun's bedroom door shut (despite the older's protests and desperate apologies) and raced down the stairs to grab his shoes and leave. the whole way down the steps jeno could feel tears threatening to spill. why can't you just stop being so sensitive? why can't you just be normal for once, jeno? his mind raced with horrible questions, ones that he never wanted to think about again, but jeno never really has a choice in what his mind decides to say.
he made his way towards his house next door. harshly wiping his eyes to stop the tears from flowing, he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets before stomping through the snow that had fallen that morning.
"i'm sorry, jeno. please?" renjun's voice could be heard from the distance, he had stuck his head out through his window in order to catch the latter halfway to his front gate.
renjun really didn't like seeing him like this, especially because of something he did. back in their first year of high school, renjun had seen jeno cry just once. it upset renjun even more knowing that jeno was upset, but he couldn't do anything about it. renjun couldn't stand up to an adult the way he wanted, (even if he badly wanted to) because it would give him a bad reputation—not that renjun cared about his reputation when it came to jeno—but if he wanted to continue being there for his best friend, he couldn't get on his father's bad side.
and that's the funny part, really. jeno would risk everything, including the way his father treated him, just to be there for renjun. yet, renjun would have to risk nothing, just to keep himself from being thrown out of jeno's life.
"fuck you, renjun!" jeno yelled, his ears and nose forming a tint of pink and his eyes becoming puffy from the harsh rubbing and crying. "fuck you." he echoed, quieter this time.
renjun had given up. the damage he caused was bigger than what he could deal with and he hated himself for it. hearing the heartbreak through jeno's voice as he screamed vulgar words at him made him ache. renjun had hurt jeno. maybe he should've apologized better, or maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut in the first place, because now jeno hated renjun. renjun would be the cause of jeno's tears tonight, he'd be the cause of his father yelling at him for being late, but most of all, he hurt his best friend.
just thinking about it, renjun felt sick.
