¡ TW: mentions of thalassophobia (fear of the ocean) !
006
renjun always had this gnawing fear in the back of his brain about being taken by the waves and never coming back. being stranded and lost—being alone with nothing but the bottomless ocean. it scared him horribly, the sudden rush of fear and anxiety made him want to cry whenever he accompanied his family to the beach. the salt infused air and sugar-like sand in between his fingers were never meant for renjun.
neither were they meant for jeno.
"my father used to watch those, those uhm―useless survival shows? there was one that took place near the sea and apparently one of the crew members drowned. he was taken by the waves before anyone else could find him." jeno explained, fingers smoothly drawing unknown shapes onto his black jeans.
"is that why you hate being here? near the ocean." renjun glanced down at the water, his feet dangling from sitting at the edge of the pier.
"part of it, yeah." jeno lifted his head as he looked up towards the moon, almost distant. like he was looking for an answer.
"what's the other part?" renjun whispered.
"uhm. i guess, it just reminds me of someone." jeno turned towards renjun, "y'know, how certain places remind you of certain people? yeah, that."
"tell me about them?" renjun softly asked.
"he was like―like uhm the apple pies we used to eat at Moonie's? and he felt like summer nights...yeah, reminds me of cinnamon and bittersweet chocolate. oh, like the 𝐒𝐔𝐍!" jeno once again spoke, his voice loud against the fragile wind and faraway wave crashes.
"was he...a friend?" renjun asked, too focused to feel the small ting of envy forming through his heart.
"boyfriend." jeno corrected. he lowered his head as he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his face heat up against the night weather.
"oh." renjun's assumption had been confirmed.
"yeah." jeno whispered shyly.
silence pierced the air for awhile, jeno too much of a coward to utter even a breath of air and renjun was too much in thought to even notice.
"you've dated boys, jeno?" renjun asked unaware that he held his breath as seconds passed by waiting for the latter to answer.
one. two. three. four.
"one, yeah..." jeno gulped, his head spinning as he looked up at renjun, "...you?" feeling vulnerable as his heart rate sped up before asking.
"...once? maybe not fully."
relief washed over jeno's entire body.
he wasn't the only one with these feelings.
feelings for boys.
his body screamed, his mind raced, his heart thumped.
boys having feelings for boys is okay.
it's okay, lee jeno.
"tell me about him?" the tremble in jeno's voice wasn't loud enough, but the feeling in jeno's stomach had begun and he wasn't quite sure what is was but, he assumed it was from the lack of food he had eaten that day.
