Bepannah | Jenshad

stars in your eyes | Chapter 29

warning : graphic smut ahead ( at the end of the chapter ). Below 18 , skip it. 

Sighing she goes over the contract and deal the production company had emailed her. Karan wasn't lying to her about the offer and the time which she was surprised not to say the least. But the deal was not yet completed and she could add in the extra days to be here.

For what though is the biggest uqestion that popped in her head. The answer to that was no brainer but was the cause really worth the bargain?

She could spend somedays for Harshad , hell she could spend an entire eternity on him ,could wait for him her entire life. But was it worth the wait ? Was it worth every evil she is fighting ?

She loved Harshad ,she does and she probably always will. And waiting for him feels worth it. And why shouldnt it be really ? It is Harshad ,her Harshad who would say sorry even it wasn't his mistake ,who was the only one who could ever cheer her up ,the only one who used to stay by her telling stories till she would fall asleep . Harshad with his twinkling eyes filled with the warmth of a hot coffee, smile that always ignited her world and voice that has the power to calm her chaos.

He was everything, was worth the fights ,worth the drama,was worth returning home in few days or month.

She chuckles hands cupping her cup eyes staring the blue sky as Harshad's eyes come into her mind ,the memory of his touch on her bare skin intoxicating her. Her eyes close as she tries hard , concentrates to feel it again because it has been days since she had seen him. Days after Karan had belittled her ,had crashed her life with ugly truth , days after she wanted to give up everything.

Days filled with ignoring yet aching Harshad , days filled with thinking and staying still, days filled with ignoring Karan and her friends.

She remembers her breakdown, remembers her crying on the bathroom floor ,remembers waking up with anxiety. And she was anxious ,still is anxious because her thoughts are more louder, reality more clearer and she wants to do everything ,yet nothing. She feels like doing nothing.

And she doesn't do anything. For four days she doesn't do anything and ignores everything. She feels if she will start doing anything everything will unravel.
The uncertainity of future with Harshad ,the reality of her and the emergency of her life crashing in together and she will fall apart.

She knows she will because she is not strong , not like Harshad who has strength that of a rock ,patience of a saint and faith in god. He has the power ,the patience to go through rough times. She has seen and experienced it before in her life. She admires and thrives to have his strength though she know she will fail because Harshad ,he- he is one of a kind, really one of a kind. He is the kindest human being she has ever seen in her life, purest soul ever to touch her life.

And she knows she will paint it black, ruin his soul with her tattered ,marked and darkened one.

She is not stupid ,she knows Karan will hit his limit, will come hard and fast in few days leaving her with no choice. She isn't stupid enough to believe she has won against him and neither she is stupid enough to hope for something more with Harshad. And that breaks her heart more.

The thought of leaving Harshad , of not having him ,of not touching him ,of not having his lips pressed against her- of not being with him is unimaginable. To leave him ,to not have him in her life is downright terrorizing especially after having a piece of him, after knowing what it feels like to be with him, to be touched ,kiss and liked by him - to have him in her life. Its painful, it surges an ache through her chest making it harder for her to breathe.

Jennifer needs to be alone , needs to find her strength and needs to have a solitude. Needs to mend amends with herself ,needs to have a peace in herself for her to think ,to decide her next step. To be able to go along that step and the harder steps afterwards. She feels stranded in a desert and it is draining her energy.