Always In My Heart (Sequel To Love Hurts)

Chapter 21

"How are you, Zayn?" His doctor asked.

Zayn scoffed lightly. "If I had a penny for everytime I get asked that question, I will be rich.."

"You are rich, Zayn. Can you answer the question?" The doctor insisted. "How are you?"

"I'm good thanks, Nick."

"Have you been to counselling yet?"

"Yes and we got the all clear." Zayn shrugged his shoulders. "No issues."

The doctor frowned. "You get the all clear? Was that from a psychiatrist?"

"I don't need one, thanks." Zayn clicked his tongue.

"You do, Zayn. Your parents asked me to talk to you because of your reckless behaviour.."

Zayn let out a dry chuckle. "My what?"

"You're smoking again, Zayn."

"The cigarettes are not real. So_" Zayn shrugged nonchalant.

"It's the principle behind it, you want to smoke."

"Are you counselling me now, is that it?" Zayn scoffed crossing his legs. Jesus, even his fucking OBGYN is on him now, why can't people just let him be.

"I'm not counselling you, Zayn. But I can tell you need one. You're losing weight again, you've gotten more tattoos and you are detached somehow."

"There's no law against tattoos, is it? Nick."

"You've lost weight.." Nick said gently.

"I'm eating healthy, that's all. My appetite can be up and down, but I'm eating." Zayn lied. He wasn't eating most days.

Nick sighed, not pushed on that. "Where's Harry?"

"Manchester. He's working.." Zayn replied.

"When's the last you talk to him?" Nick asked.

Zayn gave him a soft glare getting fed up with the questioning, he licked his lips. "He texted me today, that's communication right? Can you move the fuck on."

"If you don't want therapy, can you at least tell me what's bothering you?" Nick sighed, he can't believe this is the same Zayn, so abrupt and dismissive.

"Will I able to get pregnant again?" Zayn asked.

"Yes, you will." Nick nodded. "My advise would be, not to get pregnant straight away and grieve the one you lost.."

"What is grief?" Zayn asked.

Nick frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Am I expected to break down for people to get it that I'm grieving?" Zayn said.

"Showing emotion is not a breakdown."

"I'm not sure what emotions you want me to show. I've been more open and reaching out more than ever. I'm older, learned to rationalise my problems. My children are my priorities, what do you want me to feel? tell me please.." Zayn said frustration building up inside him.

"There are healthier ways to show people what you're really feeling inside without being destructive_"

"Say what now?" Zayn scoffed, "I'm destructive?"

"Your behaviour is, Zayn. Smoking is a habit you kicked off for how many years now? Seven?"

"Summit like that, yes."

"Why go back though? People don't just go back to bad habits. Smoking is bad, Zayn."

"Why did I not go back to smoking real cigarettes is what you should be asking and I'll tell you it's because I know it's bad. My husband has asthma and I could never smoke around the people I love. Surely you can't expect me not to be affected about what's happened. I'm human but you all treat me like I'm defaulting. I'm not a robot. What I am is a cheater and I'm feeling so guilty right now I don't know what to do with all this guilt. My husband went away, it's either he trust me or he can't stand being around me because he didn't have to take the job after everything that's happened but he did.."