A Synonym for Chill [COMPLETE]

1. More Than Survive

I sat at my computer, tapping my fingers on the mouse impatiently. It was about 4:45 in the morning and my teenage hormones couldn't wait.

"C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go go. C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go go! I'm waiting for my porno to load. My brain is gonna freakin' explode," I muttered, looking at the time in the corner of the computer. I knew Dad would be awake soon, and I had to get this done. There was a nagging feeling in my stomach that told me that the video wouldn't load in time. "And now, of course, it's time to hit the road, which means I'll be uncomfortable all day. But that really isn't such a change, 'cause if I'm not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray. 'Cause freaking out is my OK!" I then stretched my arms and legs, standing up. "GOOD MORNING, TIME TO START THE DAY! C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go go, c-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go go!" I ran from my room and into the bathroom, finally realizing the time. I was gonna be late.

I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to analyze my reflection: short for a eighteen-year-old, dark circles under my blueish-green eyes, pale skin almost glowing underneath the energy-saver light bulbs...oh, and I can't forget about the massive spread of acne all over my face and shoulders. Suddenly, my dad walked in, pantsless but wearing boxers.

"Dad! Haven't you heard of privacy? Or...pants?" I asked. My dad shrugged.

"We're all men in this house. Pretend we're in the army." I groaned inwardly, wetting my toothbrush.

"Not all of us are men, but...oh, forget it. Just... When I get home... Please have clothes on. Okay?" I pleaded. My dad nodded.

"Ten-hut." He then walked out of the bathroom. I finished brushing my teeth, washed my face quickly, and ran back into my room. As I pulled my school uniform on, I started to muse out loud.

"Should I take the bus or walk instead? I feel my stomach filling up with dread...when I get nervous my whole face goes red. Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still: This senior on the bus is killer weak, but if I walk when I arrive I'm gonna straight-up reek, and my panties will be bunchy and my pits will leak..." I shook my head, dismissing that option as I sprinted out of the house, fully clothed and both backpacks in hand, and ran to the corner of my street. This is where my bus picked me up every day. "God, I wish I had the skill to just be fine and cool and chill!" I said. The bus appeared around the corner, and I tensed slightly. Time to face my classmates.

The bus rolled to a stop in front of me, and I hopped up the stairs, speed-walking into my normal seat by the front window. Everyone else - the cooler people - were chilling in the back, laughing and talking. "I don't want to be a hero! Just wanna stay in the lines. I'll never be your Rob Deniro, for me, Joe Pesci is fine. And so I follow my own rules and I use them as my tools to stay alive. I don't want to be special, no no, I just wanna survive!" I leaned my head up against the window, staring out it as the bus slowly started filling with kids. The ride to school was silent on my end, loud on everyone else's. As the bus pulled to a stop in front of my high school, I felt my stomach churning slightly. God, I hate this place.

"C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon, go, go, c-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon, go, go!" The entire bus - myself included - spoke to everyone in front of us, some people shoving others so that they could get off the bus faster. I got shoved down the stairs and, before I could faceplant into the concrete, I steadied myself and ran off into the school.

As soon as I pulled both of the front doors open and officially entered the building, I was bombarded on all sides by conversation. I ran to my locker but was surprised to see it occupied by Tempest Kora, Hope Commonfeather, and Rose Kleinman. Tempest and Hope were two of the most popular - and gorgeous - girls in school. Rose wasn't that bad looking either, but her popularity levels were lower than most. It was still higher than mine, though. I simply stared at them, fidgeting with my sleeves until Rose glanced at me. Tempest and Hope followed her lead, and I saw Tempest's nose crinkle in disgust.

"Oh, what are you staring at?" She snapped. I awkwardly gestured to my locker.

"Um.. just trying to get to my locker," I said softly. Tempest rolled her eyes and brushed past me, Hope and Rose in tow. Before they were out of earshot, I heard Tempest whisper to Hope.

"That girl is so weird." Hope nodded slightly.

"I've literally never noticed her." She admitted, glancing behind her and making eye contact with me. I gave her an awkward wave and was surprised to receive one back. Before I could even begin to open my locker, I was shoved face-first against it.

"Ow!" I yelped, craning my neck to see who was behind me. It was Dallas Dixon, an old friend of mine from middle school. I put my hand on his wrist to try and get him off me, but he quickly slammed me back into the locker.

"Yo, don't touch me, short-ass!" He said sharply.

"S-Sorry, I was just trying to get to my-!" I stopped after feeling pressure on my back. After a moment, Dallas backed up and whipped me around to face him.

"You wash that off..." He said, grabbing the front of my collared shirt. "You're dead."

I flushed, nodding slightly. What the hell was up with him?! He walked off, but not before shoving me against my locker again. As the bell rang, I glanced at the sea of students that flooded the halls and grimaced, shouldering my bag.

"I navigate the dangerous hall. Focus on a poster there on the wall. Avoiding any eye contact at all, and trying hard to remain unseen," I said to myself, looking at a rainbow-colored poster that was getting closer with every second. "Oh, the poster's closer now, and what does it say?" I gave it a quick look. My school was actually putting on a theater production and they were looking for willing auditioners. "It's a sign-up for the after-school play!" I smiled slightly, then faltered. No names were on it. "Well...everyone else would say it's a sign-up sheet for getting called gay, and that's not what I need right now. End scene." I sighed, shaking my head and walking out of the hallway.

As I walked, I noticed Christine Harpsong bounce past me, making me stop dead in my tracks. Her chocolate brown hair was cut in a bob and bounced along with her. She had slightly tanned skin, ocean blue eyes, and always seemed to be smiling. In short, she was an angel in a human's body.

"Christine..." I sang her name, quite literally, might I add, but it was barely audible. I watched her bounce past...and then she stopped. She glanced back at me and looked slightly confused.

"Excuse me?" Christine asked. I blushed profusely.

"Y-Yeah?" I asked. She walked over, peered at my backpack, then back to me, confusion written all over her face.

"I think someone wrote "SEXUAL" on your backpack." She said. My expression morphed into one that matched her own as I swung my bag around. Sure enough, the word "-SEXUAL" was written in big block letters. I knew Dallas had done it. I looked back at Christine, who was looking at me.

"I...um...s-sorry!" I squeaked, running off.

(Timeskip to later in the day; lunch period)

I managed to find my way into my Mandarin I classroom, savoring the warm air inside with a few minutes to spare. My mind immediately flashed back to my short conversation with the girl of my dreams this morning, and I groaned inwardly.

"Well, that was smooth. Yeah, that was super pimp. My mac daddy game couldn't be more limp. No time to wallow, no, instead, just clear your brain and move ahead. Accept that you're one of those girls who'll be a virgin 'til she dies..." I said softly, taking my notebook out and copying down the lesson on the board. "I don't wanna be a baller! Just want some skills to count on. If my guts were any smaller, they would be totally gone. If I continue at this rate, the only thing I'll ever date is my Dell Inspiron hard drive. I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no, I just wanna survive!"

The bell rang, signaling for us to move on to our next class. Luckily, I had first lunch this period, so I scrambled out of my seat and down three flights of stairs, swiftly sliding into the sandwich line. After grabbing a small turkey and cheese sandwich, I surveyed the cafeteria and spotted a familiar - and totally welcome - face.