My Buddy Archie [1]

13..

Archie was asleep when I carried him out of Liv’s apartment, and slept for the whole car ride as well. Liv said he didn’t finally get to sleep until after two, so he’d probably be sleeping for most of the day. She didn’t have much else to say to me besides that. And I don’t blame her.

I’ve never forgotten Archie before. I’ve never been late to pick him up from somewhere, and if I was, I always let someone know ahead of time. But last night, I wasn’t just late for picking him up—I completely forgot about him. He didn’t cross my mind once while I was in bed with MK, didn’t even appear in one of my dreams. It was like he didn’t exist for a few hours, and I’m realizing not how sickening and empty it felt.

Last night, I made myself no different from his good-for-nothing mother. I dropped him off somewhere and left him for someone else to take care of. A couple weeks after he was left with me, I promised him and myself that I would never be like her, that I’d be the one to take care of him and never push him onto someone else when the responsibility became too much. I understood that promise would get nicked and scratched along the way, but I never thought I break it as badly as I did last night. I was ashamed of myself.

I carried Archie into our house, taking him right up to his bed and crawling in next to him, letting his head rest in the crook of my arm. I sighed looking at him. He looked exhausted from staying up, waiting for his kind of dad to come get him.

I can’t let last night happen again. I can’t let pleasure blind me from my responsibilities—for Archie’s sake and my own. The guilt was arresting and I don’t think I could go through this again. He meant too much to me. I can’t let this tiny family get fucked up just because it’d been a while since I got laid. My jaw clenched at the thought, self-disgust and shame clawing away at me. I’m such an idiot.

Archie groaned as he rolled on his back and rubbed his eye. “You okay, buddy?”

“Niall?” his eyes narrowed, trying to see me through his sleepy haze, no doubt. “You’re back!” A big smile stretched over his face, but it only made me feel guiltier.

“Yeah, I’m back. I’m sorry I’m really late.”

“You were with your friends?”

I sighed, “Yeah, but hanging out with you is better.” I wrapped him into a big hug. “Go back to sleep. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

----

“Niall?”

“Yes?”

“How does Santa hold everything at once?” Christmas was still a couple weeks away, but the ‘how does Santa’ questions were in full swing. The amount of crap I made up to make the myth believable for a three year old was outrageous. Nevertheless, it was fun, and it was easing some of my guilt from earlier today. He didn’t hate me for what I did, so there’s no need to let it eat away at me too much.

“He’s really strong and has a bag.”

“How does he know our house?”

“Santa is magic. He knows everything.”

“Is he like Harry Potter?”

I laughed, “Not exactly.”

“Niall?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

He looked down at the peas on his dinner plate, which he refused to eat, ever. “I have to get Bailey a present.”

“Do you?” He nodded. “What do you want to get her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to get her baby sister something to?” He shrugged. “We can go shopping tomorrow after I pick you up, okay? Bucky can come with us.”