Nostalgic Memory

Prologue

30th day of September 2019.

" I didn't need anything to remember him, and all the people and things we loved and had left behind. Those memories we shared are things we can carry in our hearts and take with us no matter where we are sent"

It took me a while to realize that he's not here, The pain in my chest intensified and every muscle in my body ached.

He's gone, Alice! for Godforsaken!

"Don't worry, you're safe as long as we're together"

His voice and words are repeated in my mind.

I was awakened by the sound of the alarm. It is already 6:30 am and I need to start my day strong and hopeful. It's been a year since he's gone and I don't know what to do with those memories that keep on haunting me every single day and night.

The weather seems gloomy, and so do I. I get up and decided to take a shower. Every drop of the cold water in my bare skin was like an explosion of pain.

Today's his Death Anniversary

This is the day that I regret leaving him, and choosing what I think is good for us, for him, for our future.
And I regret choosing my Job over him.
I know that I should not blamed myself for all of this. But knowing and realizing that after all those years. It was all wasted.
I am wasted.

As I walked through his grave, I put some flowers that I brought, and put some candles around his picture. I still remember all the days that we spent and all the memories that happened between us. I read the letter that I was supposed to give to him before his death.

My dearest Love, Peter:

I am so excited to see you again this week, I am sure you too.

 You're not sending me letters or email, but I guess you were so busy. But that's okay. 

I understand a lot.

 I just want to say that even if we're far away from each other I assure you that you only own my heart. Hahaha that's too over word but I mean it.

 I love you Peter. I always will. Wait for me. I guess you can catch me up at the airport. 

I LOVE YOU.

 Truly yours Alice Samantha.

"Love, How are you? You know, I missed you a lot." I tried to sound brave but I guess I can't. "I missed your voice, your hand against mine, your smell. I missed your kisses. And I know that all I can do is just to missed you and imagined that you're still here with me" I cried.
"I want us to talk about the things that we would talk about. I remember you saying that you wanted to make me happy. Little do you know, I'm always happy when I'm with you, Love.
If ever I am given a chance to talk to you again, I want you to know how much I misses you. I Love You, Love"

"I guess it is what it is, Nothing can change everything. Even if you're gone, I will always remember you"

I wipe my tears and decided to take a picture.

I remember when we were together to visit his sister at her grave. I can't believe that today it would happen
that I also visit him here

I guess it seems like a dream. If this is just a dream I don't want to sleep at all. If this is just a nightmare I will force myself not to sleep. Because I don't want to lose him right now. I lost him in the time I needed him the most and I feel embarrassed at my self for leaving. I want him to feel how much I needed you, I want him to know that I'll lose myself if I lose him. I want him to feel how much I love him, but it's almost over when I started. If I can turn back time.