The One I Need.

The party.

We have arrived. The music is very loud and partylights are flickering. People with epilepsy would have a problem here. People are standing outside the  front of the house smoking whatever that is. It's only 10pm and there are already people throwing up in the front yard. Emmelie pulls me after her inside. There are people kissing everywhere. This is a huuuuge party. Emmelie pulls me through the dancing crowd over to a table full of drinks. She mixes something together into a drink. While she does that, a tall blonde boy says something in her ear, and they walk away. Great. Now I am left alone in a house I don't know and don't even know who belongs to, in the middle of people I don't know. I take the drink Emmelie mixed and chug it. Now that I am here, I might as well make the best of it. And I know, that tonight will be easier if I am drunk. I start mixing another drink. Everything on the table into a cup. It tastes horrible, but it will do it's job.

Time passes, and one drink after another is going down my throat, and I start becoming more and more drunk. I haven't talked to Emm since we arrived here and she got pulled away by that boy. I saw them standing in a corner kissing. I still haven't talked to anyone here, even though I am super drunk right now. I sit down on a big couch that is in the middle of the room. I see a group of maybe five boys standing just a few metres away from me, talking into each other's ears and looking over at me. They push an okay tall boy with brown curly middle length hair towards me. Omg he is actually really cute. I feel myself blushing a little. I could see myself kissing him or more tonight. He is slowly walking over here to where I am sitting, with an unsure smile on his face. He actually looks quite good. He sits down. "Hey, I am Theo!"  "Hey."  I don't want to tell him my name, because I am pretty sure he only wants to kiss, and in that case my name wouldn't play a role. We talk a little bit about who we know here, and a little about ourselves. But besides that we sit in an awkward silence. But out from what we talked about, he is really nice. His smile is super cute and his voice is very sexy mature. He even has dimples, which I normally don't really like, but they look super good on him. I can't really see his eyes, because it is quite dark in here, but they look like they're dark. "Uhm.. do you maybe want to go somewhere more silent?"  "Okay, sure."

We go to the back of the house, where we on the way walk past Emmelie standing and smoking pot with three other boys. She pulls my arm as I walk past her. "Uuuh. Where are you two going?" She smiles. "Just somewhere more private."  "That's one handsome boy you got there Ellie."  "I know right?! He is really sweet."  "Good thing I took you here, huh? Have fun! But not too much!"
Theo and I continue walking and are now in some random hallway in this big house. The music is actually still pretty loud back here, but we can still hear each other better. "Ugh, let's just get it over with." I kiss him. He pulls out of the kiss almost right after our lips meet. "Wowowow, I think you've had too much to drink."  "What do you mean?"  "I wanted to talk more with you, not kiss."  "Oh.. I thou..." I throw up all over him. Okay shit. I didn't think I am was this drunk. I fucked up big times. "Omg I am so sorry! About everything." I run. As fast as I can being drunk af. I was about to go into the bathroom to wash myself off, but the door is locked. You can hear a moaning coming from the other side of the door. I am pretty sure it's Emmelie. But I actually don't want to know. I run home. I throw up one more time on the way home. It's disgusting. I hate throwing up. Then I realise: Shit. I forgot my bag at that house... I can't go back now though. There aren't any important things in it anyways.

I arrive at home. Luckily I left the back door unlocked. My keys are in my bag. Okay, maybe there are important things in my bag after all... But now it is definitely too late. I need some water. I sit in the kitchen for probably one hour, drinking water. The more sober I become, the more the bad feelings and thoughts come back again. I hate my life. Today is really not my day. I feel lonely.  Like nobody wants anything to do with me. And after what happend at the party, it doesn't really make it better. The party was a mistake. They always are. I start crying. Balling to be exact. I look at the clock. It is almost 4am. I should go to bed, so I get up from the chair I am sitting on, take a step, but then collaps. I fall to the ground. I try to get up again, but I can't move. It's like sadness has taken over my body and made me paralyzed. Tears are running down my face. My head is full of bad thoughts. I can only think, that it is my fault he broke up with me, and that I am not good enough and that I am a mistake. Suddenly everything becomes black. I pass out.