The One I Need.

Psychology.

Today Emmelie will come and pick me up, and bring me to psychologist. I am still not feeling well. I have almost stopped eating completely. But at least I can feel my body again. For the last couple of days I have just been laying in bed watching TV or thinking. But I have been sleeping. My mom is on a business trip, so she is not home to take care of me. But she is also not home to annoy me with her questions. Emm has been calling me at least four times a day to check up on me. She is going to be here very soon. I am going down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I hear the back door open. Is it a thieve? Oh god. I am going to die. "Hello?"  "God Emm, you scared the crap out of me! I thought I was going to die."  "Wow, since when do you get scared so easily? Let's go."

We are here. I only took us 20 minutes to walk here. It was good getting some fresh air. It doesn't look that professional here, but I guess that doesn't matter. We are the only people here. It is 2pm. A woman comes and shouts: "Ellie Hayward, follow me." "Go Ellie, I'll wait here." I follow the woman down a hallway, into a little room. There is only a table, two chairs and a lot of Bookshelfs in the room. She asks me to sit down. She sits down on the opposite side of me. "So Ellie, what can I do for you?" I tell her everything. What happend a few days ago and how I have been feeling. She says I have a minor depression. But that it can't be from these past days. I must have had it for some time, but it hasn't shown until now. She says the reason for that is, that I haven't let my sadness show and out the times I had it. Which I have never really thought about until now. We have talked around one hour, when we were finally done. "Ellie, I think you should come again. So that we can talk more and work on your feelings."  "Okay."  "Great! I'll send you a date and time per email." I walk out of the room and accidently run into a person. I fall onto my butt. "Ouch. Sorry." I look up. And guess who it is. Theo. The boy I thought wanted to kiss and I threw up on. "No worries. Need a hand?"  "Oh thank you." He helps me up. "Soo.. what are the odds we run into each other here."  "I know right? What are you doi.. nevermind, stupid question."  "Haha. Yeah. I should keep going, my friend is waiting for me."  "Oh yeah sure, right, me too. See ya."  "Bye Theo." I continue walking. Theo turns around and says: "Wait, you remembered my name even though you were drunk af?"  While I walk I laugh and answer: "Sure. I'm Ellie btw." I come around the corner to the waitingarea and there sits a sleeping Emmelie. "Emm, we can go now."  "Huh?"  "I am done. Come."  We walk out of the building. "How was it?"  "It was... interesting. But good. Apparently I have a minor depression. And guess who I ran into on the way out."  "Not Adam, right?"  "Gosh no! The boy I was with at the party last week. You know: the guy I threw up on."  "Oh yeah. Haha, how awkward."  "You don't say." We walk back towards my place. Well, that means I do. Emm needs to turn left three streets before me. So the last 5 minutes I walk by myself.

At home, I go straight to my room an throw myself onto my bed. I think. About today. About meeting Theo again. It was awkward, but I have missed talking to him. Even though we only talked one evening. But still. His smile and his dimples. They melt me for some reason. It was good that I went to the psychologist today. Not only to finally undertand my mental health and know what the matter is, but I also wouldn't have seen Theo again, if I had not been there today. So it is good. I will get better. Maybe we will run into each other again? Who knows. I lay and smile at the ceiling. Today is the first good day in a while. To be exact, since the breakup with Adam. Oh no, don't think about that now Ellie. My smile slowly fades again. My eyes fill up with tears. I really need help. Which I am getting now. But I don't want this feeling anymore. I need to let my sadness out as she said today. But almost every time I try, I can't. But wait, am I crushing on Theo? Because, I feel good and smile, when I think of him. And I miss talking to him. That must mean something, right? Nah.. I am going through a breakup right now and I am heartbroken. I can't like someone new already...