Hateful Love

Chapter Thirty-Six

NOTE: I do not own any of the ideas or characters expressed in this story (except Cassie Jackson). All of these belong to J.K. Rowling.

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Draco P.O.V.

          The first thing I think is, I’ve heard her wrong. She didn’t just say that, she couldn’t have. But then I see her cold, emotionless expression and I suddenly realize she’s said exactly what I thought. And this realizations makes me want to cry out and collapse into the snow.

          I manage to stay standing, but my knees feel incredibly weak and my mouth is hanging open slightly in shock. A moment passes, and I manage to choke out, “I—I…what?”

          Cassie has her gaze fixed to the pile of snow at her feet as she says blankly, “I’m breaking up with you, Draco.”

          I have a sudden, intense urge to vomit up what little I had for breakfast at these words, my head spinning sickeningly. This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening. I swallow hard and stammer out a blunt, “…why?”

          She blinks hard and looks to the left of me, still refusing to look directly at me. Her voice sounds hoarse as she replies softly, “Just leave me alone.”

          These words feel like a fierce blow to my chest, and I take a step back from the impact. Tears are building up at the backs of my eyes, and I try to keep the pain out of my voice as I whisper, “What did I do?”

          Cassie bites her lip hard then, surprising me, snaps, “You know what.” She sounds angry as she continues, “You’re a Death Eater, Draco.”

          My cheeks feel wet, and I realize I’m crying. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore, but everything she’s saying hurts me physically. The snowflakes drift past us silently as I try to say something around the lump in my throat. I must take too long, however, as Cassie hisses quietly, “You’re putting me in danger—I could get killed for being with you.”

         I open and close my mouth for a moment, attempting to force out that I’m happy for her, that I’m glad she’s finally trying to protect herself and not me. But the sound dies in my throat before I can utter a word. All I can think is, Please don’t leave me, please don’t.

          Taking a dangerous step forward, I tentatively reach out with a shaky hand for her. I choke out in a barely audible voice, “Cassie—“

          She cringes backwards, out of my reach, and I finally can’t hold down the sob that’s been trying force its way out for some time now. Cassie keeps her gaze fixed on the snow at our feet and, her shoulders shaking, bites out, “Don’t touch me.”

          My stomach caves in on itself at these words; I didn’t think anything else could possibly happen to make this worse. It barely registers that Cassie has started to turn to the right, to walk back into the castle and leave me. It’s all happening impossibly fast, and I’m starting to shake from the effort of holding myself together.

          When she brushes past me, the smell of her washes over me and my legs lose whatever strength they’d had earlier. I collapse into the snow, my knees hitting the white coldness hard, but I don’t even feel it. More tears roll down my cheeks, and a few drops hit the ground in front of me. I feel numb as I realize that Cassie doesn’t care about me anymore…I won’t be able to see her anymore, to talk with her, to kiss her, to smile at her. She won’t even let me come near her.

          I hear Cassie’s footsteps continue up the stairs, then the soft click of the entrance door being shut. All that’s left is the sound of my quiet sobs and the soft falling of snowflakes. My vision becomes blurry as the crying takes over, and the only thought that registers in my mind now is how badly I want Cassie to come back out those doors and tell me it was all just some terrible, terrible joke. But the doors remain solidly shut as I lay in the snow, the pain consuming my chest.

          Cassie…I don’t think I can make it alone…I don’t think I can do this without you…

 

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          I’m not sure how long I lay there in the growing pile of snow like a dead man, but all time seems to cease in my mind. It seems that everything else has stopped, that all classes and students are frozen in time. The ending bell for lunch rings out loudly, but my ears don’t register the sound. My chest hurts from the crying, and my throat feels incredibly sore—though I don’t know why. But I’m not sobbing anymore; I’m not even crying. I just stare numbly at the falling snowflakes, silently counting them for no particular reason. Twenty-eight, twenty-nine…thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two…

          A muffled sound distracts me, and I blink for the first time in minutes. I actually shift from my place in the gathering snow, the flakes scattering at my sudden movement. Is that…yelling?

          I blink hard as I sit up slowly, my vision blurry and the world spinning around me. My eyes finally focus on a dark figure running down the icy steps toward me, but I can’t tell who it is. Why the hell is he yelling at me?
          The figure comes closer and bends down in front of me, proving it to be none other than Blaise Zabini. He reaches out and grabs my collar to sit me up, leaning close to my face. I can tell he’s the one talking because his lips are moving, but the sound is only just starting to register in my mind. What…what’s he saying?

          The sound slowly reaches my ears, and I have to focus hard to understand what he’s saying. “…hell are you doing, mate, it’s fricking twenty degrees out and you’re lying in the snow.” Blaise sees my confused, blank expression and shakes my shoulders suddenly. “What’s the matter? Get up, mate.”

          I shake my head hard to clear the buzzing in the back of my mind as Blaise helps me stand up. My knees sag beneath me almost as soon as he lets go, and I have to hold his arm to keep from falling back into the snow. The feeling is starting to come back now, and the unbearable pain seems to be everywhere.

          Blaise helps me stay in some sort of standing position, though I have to cling on to his arm in order to keep from falling back into the snow. I stammer out weakly through chattering teeth, “Th—thanks.”

          “Well, why the hell were you lying in the snow?” Blaise asks me, looking at me as though I’ve gone mad. Maybe I have.

          I’ve just opened my mouth to make up some sort of excuse when I realize that this is Blaise Zabini, the guy I attacked and threatened to kill about two months ago. The guy who made fun of Cassie.

          I tear my arm away from him in an instant and stumble backwards into the railing, glaring at him heatedly. “B—back off.”

          Blaise raises his hands as I scramble away from him, looking at me carefully. “Relax, mate. Snape sent me to find you.”

          This makes me hesitate. What could Snape possibly want with me? Supporting myself with the icy railing, I lean closer to Blaise and ask uncertainly, “Snape?”

          “Yeah,” he says, watching me closely to see my reaction. “He’s going to let you Apparate to your parents’ house.”

          “…why?” I ask, then remember saying that exact same thing to Cassie earlier and get a sick feeling in my stomach. I try to push that out of my mind somehow; I can’t lose it again.

          Blaise sighs and looks at me with pity in his eyes. What the hell? “Let’s just say I’m glad that I’m not you today. It’s bad, mate. It’s really bad…and trust me when I say you aren’t going to like it.”