Mistakes

Big Decisions

I can't have a baby I need to get rid of it. Soon, I'm not going to tell mom, or Connor this is a me and Alana thing. I pull out my phone and call planned parenthood. I need to make an appointment. Which I do I have to go in next week and no one will know that I ever got pregnant. Imagine if someone found out 'Evan Hansen is a slut' has a nice ring to it but I don't like it. That's why not even my mom will know. She'll probably ground me forever or at least till I move out. I'll do this properly and get rid of my mistakes.

"I'll be fine. Thanks for hanging out with me Alana. Sorry for making you come out." She just gives me a big hug and goes home. I'm so worried. I don't answer any calls or texts from Connor. He doesn't need to know what's wrong and next week I'll go to school and apologise for ignoring him and being a bit of a dick. I just can't have a baby yet. I saw what happened to mom from having me when she was young. I just have to get rid of it before anyone else finds out.

~~~~~

My appointment is in two hours. I don't think I can do this. I think they were right when saying are you sure you want to do this. I don't think I want to. I think I want to keep the baby. Is that bad could it be bad? I don't want to ruin a possible life. If I get rid of the baby now would I regret not having it? I don't think I want to get rid of it. The tears start up again damn these hormones. I go downstairs to talk to my mom. I love my mom.

She notices the tears instantly and pulls me into a big hug, "What's wrong Evan?" I take a moment to play out the conversation in my head.

"I was going to get an abortion today." She doesn't respond she just holds me tighter and plays with my hair, "I couldn't do it I'm so sorry momma." The tears get worse "I didn't want to disappoint you. I was going to get rid of it and not tell anyone but I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry."

"It's alright Evy. I'm not mad at you. I still love you." She holds my face and makes me look at her, "You don't disappoint me, Evan, you never could. You're the only reason I've made it this far." I smile through tears and hug her.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too."

"So do you know who the other dad is?"

"Connor."

"You slept with your best friend of twelve years?!"

"Mom yes I did and no he doesn't know." I need to call Connor. "I'm gonna go outside and call Connor" She nods pulls away and kisses my forehead. I go outside and pull out my phone calling him. He answers in seconds obviously pissed at me.

"Evan Hansen where the fuck have you been?!" I know he's just worried about me but he still sounded so angry and I don't want him to hate me so I just start sobbing.

"I'm so sorry" I start bawling more than I already am.

"Hey.. Hey.. Evan.." he pauses "Do you want me to come over? We can cuddle."

"Uh-huh.. I need to tell you something. In-person." He hums in agreement and he's there in twenty minutes. Seeing the tears still falling he picks me up, holding me tight to his chest.

"Evan what's wrong what did you need to tell me?" He asks playing with my hair, this feels really nice, He sits down holding me in his lap as friends do.

"I'm pregnant" I mumble out, "and I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore after this since it-" He cuts me off chuckling, and I look at him confused.

Connor

"I'm pregnant" He mumbles out. I can't make sense of anything else he says it's probably something about how he's okay if I abandon him. I start to chuckle.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Evan?" I ask running my fingers through his hair. He immediately calms down. He thought I would hate him of course I don't.

"I was gonna get an abortion. I have an appointment and everything but I just can't bring myself to go." I put my head on him and he becomes liquid in my arms."I'm sorry I should have told you and we would have made that choice together."

"It's okay Evan. Don't worry about it. I still love you either way."

"Thanks, Connor." I peck his cheek as friends do smiling as he hides his face in my chest.

"Are you feeling better?" I say pressing my lips against one of his ears again as friends do.

He smiles and nods putting my hand on his stomach, "There's gonna be a baby Connie." He seems happy, and his lips look so perfect. I need to kiss him. I lean down and kiss him placing my other hand on his waist. "Hmmmph~"

He pulls away and smiles. I go back to kiss him one more time then mumble against his lips "I'm sorry."

"Kiss me again." He mumbles back wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Okay."