Adopted by Magcon

Part 20 {caught}

"Noah, wake up" someone said. I opened my eyes and sat up, looking around the room, to see Jacob standing next to me. "What time is it?" I asked quietly. He looked at his watch and said, "6:30 pm, we're gonna order diner so I had to wake you up." I nodded slowly, taking in every word he had said, and repeating it in my head.

He sat on my bed and looked at me, "Are you sure you're okay? You can tell me if something is wrong, you know that right?" He said worried. I nodded, freaking bullshit, cant trust anybody in this society. I sighed, "Im fine." as always I thought. I wish I could just tell him, but I cant trust anybody. Why is everything so hard and complicated. I wish Demi Lovato was here, she inspired me so much, she has been through so much and I just love her so much because she is so secure about herself right now, even tho she has been cutting, even tho she was anorexic, even tho she was depressed, she is still here. I love her.

"Noah?" I looked up to see Jacob with a questioning look on his face, "you zoned out" he said. And I nodded. "You coming? We're gonna eat in the other room." I slowly nodded, standing up. We walked to the other room but when Jacob was about to open the door I stopped him. "Im not hungry, can I go back?" I whispered . He thought for a second but said yes. I walked back to the hotelroom and walked into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, and tears were forming in my eyes. Im so disgusting, so fat. I grabbed a razor from the cabin and pulled up my sleeve. I locked the door and stood in the mirror, watching myself, als the razor made fresh cuts in my scarred arms.

After a few minutes someone knocked on the door. "Noah baby you in there?" Fuck. It was Taylor, I could hear it by his voice. Fuck fuck fuck. I grabbed some bandage, wrapped it around my arm, pulled my sleeve down, wiped my eyes and opened the door. "hey," I said almost in a whisper. "Hey, what were you doing in there?" he asked. I walked passed him and sat on the edge of the bed, "Nothing." I said quietly.

He sat next to me, "Noah if something is wrong you have to tell me." He said while rubbing my thigh, wich made me feel uncomfortable. I slowly pushed his hand away and shove away. "Noah you're gonna tell me whats wrong, right here right now. " Taylor said serious.

I looked away in shame. I cant tell him. How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm scared he is gonna hurt me , physically and metally. How do I tell him that Im afraid of him? I cant do that, he will be hurt.

I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. Taylor grabbed my arm and looked at me. "Im gonna check on your arms now okay?" he said. I flinched away and stood up. "You dont have to, I didnt cut in there, why would you think that?" I said looking at him. Ofcourse I was lying but I have to. "Noah, you were in there for 5 minutes, just let me check your arms!" he said while raising his voice. I stepped back at his reaction. "why?! dont you trust me!?" I yelled.

He grabbed me trying to pull up my sleeves. "LET ME GO" I screamed out while tears were slowly rolling down my face. "Let me go!" I yelled and hit his chest, right after that Matt, Jack G and Carter ran in. Taylor didnt let go of me and I continued to hit his chest.

Jack grabbed Taylor, and Matt grabbed me while wrapping me in his arms. "Dont touch me.." I cried out while trying to get out of his arms. "Shh Noah, its okay, its Matt, calm down, youre okay, youre okay." he said and as the words left his mouth I felt my body relax in his arms. I sighed and closed my eyes. I dont want to fight with Taylor, I need to apologize.

Jack and Carter took Taylor to the other room. I feel like this is all my fault, if I wasnt so worthless, if I didnt cut myself, if I didnt exist, then this didnt happen.
I mentally slapped myself. "Noah, why were you fighting ?" Matt asked.
I explained everything about how Taylor thought that I cutted again, and I ended up crying.

"you should talk to your dad," Matt said. I looked at him in shock. "I mean Cameron" he said quickly noticing my fear. I slowly nodded. "But are you excited for Magcon tomorrow?" he asked changing the subject, which I didnt have a problem with because I felt uncomfortable. "I dont know" I said quietly. "you really should come on stage, its fun." He said smiling at me. I thought for a second, should I do it? Should I show my fears to the world? Should I open up to everyone? They already know too much.. No Im not doing this, I dont want this. I shook my head slowly 'no'.

"I should apologize to Taylor.." I whispered while slowly standing up. I walked out of the door, leaving Matt there. I walked towards the other room, but stopped at the door. "Cameron she needs you! you are her dad now ! take care of her !" I heard someone yell. I carefully knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it, and ofcourse that someone had to be Taylor.
"You wanna talk?" he asked looking down at me. I slowly nodded my head. He grabbed my hand while walking out of the room. "lets go somewhere else," he said, and again I nodded my head.

After walking around the hotel for a while we came to the lobby again, so we decided to sit there. "What do you wanna talk about?" he asked me. "well, you know, uhm, " I stuttered out. I rubbed my hands over my face, not knowing what to say. Im not good at apologizing, I hate myself so much. Im only causing problems here, maybe I should go back to the orphanage.

I looked at Taylor, who was staring at me. "I just, uhm, god Im not good at this," I said nervously. "Im.. Im sorry... for what happened.." I managed to say, while looking down at my lap. I felt Taylor grab my hand. I slowly lifted my head up. "I.." but he cut me off by kissing me. I pulled away and looked into his eyes, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "God Noah I love you so much." He said.

We walked back to the hotelroom and sat on the bed.
"Can I see?" he asked carefully while slowly grabbing my arm. I looked down and back up, slowly nodding my head. Taylor started to pull up my sleeve, while I followed every move his hand made, with my eyes. "Where are they ?" he asked. "What?" I asked confused. "The razors, the blades." he said looking at me. I hesitated, should I tell him ? Its a risk, he could take them away. I looked at him, just numb, no expression on my face. "In the bathroom? " he asked while standing up, but I grabbed his arm. "Dont go in there" I said quickly, nice one Noah now you have to make up an excuse. "Why not?" He asked. I thought for a second, "There uhmm.. Its a mess in there!" I mentally slapped myself. As I was thinking about my most stupid answer ever, Taylor went into the bathroom. He came out with my razors. "Noah..."

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THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST CHAPTER EVER BUT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
and what even guys! 16.8k !!!! im screaming.
i love you sososososooso much
- Irisss 💞