Part 31

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My bedroom is pitch black and the birds outside aren't up yet. Who calls me in the middle of the night?

I wake up from my phone going off and I immediately sit up. When I look around I realise that it's in the middle of the night. I grab my phone and click answer, not thinking about looking at the number.

"Hello?" I say quietly into my phone while sitting up straight. The other line is quiet and all I can hear is someone breathing into the phone, making it sound really scary. "Hello?" I say again, this time a little louder but the breathing just goes on. I decide to hang up and not think about it.
I stand up from my bed and pull my shirt down. I need some fresh air, all this drama isn't making me feel any better and it's the only thing on my mind currently. Everywhere I go I need to watch out and worry about getting kidnapped. That's not how I imagined my life to be. Not that it turned out how I expected but still, I want to be happy and I want to be able to go out by myself.

"Noah?" I hear behind me while I walk to the mirror. I turn around to see Shawn sitting up, oh right he sang me to sleep last night.

"Who were you on the phone with?" He asks me, making me think about a lie. I don't want him to be worried about me. "I.. I uh.." I stutter but I can't find the words.

I slowly walk back to the bed and plop down next to Shawn. He's awake now anyway so I might ass wel just explain everything to him.

I let out a deep sigh before I open my mouth and look at Shawn. "An unknown number called my phone and when I answered the call someone started breathing very heavily." I say and I look down at my hands. What if he's listening right now? What if he's here? Maybe this is what he wants so he can hurt the others too.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asks with a concerned look on his face. He's right, I should've told him immediately so he could help me out. "I don't know, but I will next time." I say to him and actually mean it. A nod in response is what I get and I wonder if he's mad at me. He can't blame me for not waking him up, I am 14 years old and have trust issues, I won't talk to you that soon. Even though I've been here for over 6 months now, that doesn't mean that I am willing to let everybody have a look inside my life.

I lay back in bed with Shawn. Shawn.. He makes me feel comfortable when I am around him. The fact that he can make me smile and laugh says a lot, I mean, I know I've been getting better lately but it still is a miracle for someone to make me laugh out loud.

Shawn pulls me closer and holds me tight. This is what I want; someone who really cares about me and someone who won't leave me bacause of my past. I don't want a guy who lies and cheats. I bet no one wants someone who does that.

After a while I close my eyes and go back to sleep, falling into a nice dream about how everything is turning out good, with Shawn's arms wrapped around me.

-

The birds are singing and the sun is rising. A new day with new oppertunities. Last night was indistinct: a phone call in the middle of the night, a well, but also serious conversation with Shawn and a nice dream. Maybe it was a good thing, it made me realise that Shawn genuinely cares about me and wants to help me.

I carefully remove Shawn his arm from my body so I can get out of bed. Today isn't an important day I think so I don't have to dress up all nice and make up pumped. I decide to put on leggings and a dark red Hollister sweater. I throw my hair up in a ponytail and slowly walk downstairs.

When I get to the kitchen I see Cameron and Matt sitting at the table, talking about something. I go sit across from Matt and listen to their conversation. This is what I want, lazy days, hanging out with my new family without being chased and cussed out by obsessed fan girls. As I stand up from my seat I hear them talk about Magcon. So there's a Magcon tonight? "Is MagCon tonight?" I ask them while grabbing a bowl from the cupboard. "Yes, it's actually in town so we don't have to get on a plane!" Matt says happily.

I sigh and fill my bowl with cereal and milk. When I turn around I see that Shawn is walking down the stairs. Last night was good, he sang me to sleep and I didn't have a nightmare. He actually makes me feel really save, especially when I'm in his arms.
I thought Taylor did that too, but surprise surprise, he never liked me. He cheated on me and after he started treating me like shit. But all I wanted was answers, I mean, why would he cheat on me?

"Hey baby." Shawn says while wrapping his arms around me from behind. This makes me so genuinely happy. "Hey" I say softly while smiling at the ground. Shawn is the sweetest and he makes me really happy.

It's getting colder outside because it's October now and the winter is coming. I'm excited for Halloween, I heard a lot about it. I heard the guys talking about a party and stuff like that so I'll see what will happen.

I'm not excited for magcon, I don''t like the fans. The screaming, chasing and crying, I really don't want people to come after me when I'm out. Like, a few weeks ago I was in the mall, buying a pair of socks, but I had to leave because fans noticed me and came running after me. That's just obsessive and crazy. I mean, sure it's okay to be a fan but can you at least try and stay calm.
But yeah, I guess it's not really my choice because the whole world knows who I am.

I grab my phone and go onto instagram. It's time to post something....
Pumpkins, they're perfect for my feed and they absolutely match the time of the year. Maybe we see some on our way to the event.

"Noah?" I hear from my room and I stand up to go there. When I get there Carter is standing in my bathroom. "What is it?" I ask him, acting like I don't know why he has a concerning look on his face. Honestly, I've been trying to stay clean but sometimes the hate is too much. Carter should understand. I might as well be honest with him.

"Are you still hurting yourself?" He asks me while looking me in the eyes, and for a moment I believe to see hurt and actual caring in his eyes. So they do really care and are willing to help me through this.

"I just.. It's too much, Carter, sometimes all the comments and hate get too much."

He sighs and walks over to my bed to sit down. "But please don't tell Cameron." I say while looking at him, tears almost falling from my eyes. "I won't, for now, but if I find oneof these again I will." He says while standing up and walking over to me. He kisses the top of my head and looks down at me. "Just talk to me when you feel the need to hurt yourself. Just let it out. I'm here for you, we all are, Noah."

I know he's right. He is so right, I just don't want to believe it, I can't. But maybe I should give it a chance. I mean I have Shawn, who is the best, and all the other guys. I think they really want to help me.

-

As we all get into the black van, ready for magcon I get nervous. I am not ready for two thousand screaming girls trying to ruin my ears. All the guys are having fun and I try to follow their conversation. "Hey Nash!" Hayes screams and Nash looks up, regretting it right after because Hayes farts right in his face. I actually start laughing real hard and can't stop.

"That's so disgu.. disgusting!" I try to pointout between my laughter. Everyone is trying to stop laughing but it was way too funny. But soon enough we're at the venue and we all have to get out of the van.

As we struggle to make our way through the fans we get inside. We all make our way to the dressing room and decide to hang out there for a bit. The guys are actually really fun to be around, I just never noticed because I used to lock myself away from the world. I think I'm actually getting better and I'm so glad.

"Noah, what's your talent?" Someone asks and I look up from my lap. That is seriously the hardest question ever! My talent.. I used to sing when I was younger but that's not really a thing right? Or maybe it is.. Uh.

Well okay, I'll just say that I used to sing. "I used to sing, bu.." I was trying to say but got cutt off by every single person in the room. "Sing for us!" They all scream. Oh my god hahaha.

I open my mouth and start singing 'what do you mean' by Justin Bieber.

By the time I finish all their mouths are opened. Was I that bad? "so.." I say trying to break the awkward silence. I haven't sung in years so it didn't sound great, obviously.

"Do you want to sing on stage tonight?" Matthew asks and I begin to laugh real hard. On stage, me? No way. All the haters and judgemental comments will get even worse than they already are. I am seriously not ready for that. I just promised Carter not to hurt myself anymore but I will not be able to keep that promise if I decide to make everything worse.

"I'm not ready for that." I confess "but maybe next time."
Their reactions are pretty understanding and I'm glad. I'm relieved that they didn't like force me onto that stage or something.

"But I'll definitely come on stage tonight, just not to sing." I say, trying to make it up to them.
They nod and Cameron grabs my hands.

"I am so damn proud of you. Don't you dare to forget that, baby."



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