the boy on the bridge ✔️

29. like boy

Chapter 29 — like boy

Josh somehow finds himself at the bridge after soccer practice that day. He hadn't meant to drive there, but somehow his car ended up parked under an enormous tree near the bridge, away from common view so he won't be caught being there. It is only 4 pm, so Josh can safely bet that a certain curly-haired boy won't show up at the bridge for the time being — although a part of him hopes he will.

His mind goes back to the night he saw him kissing another boy at the very same bridge and the little hope is squashed. If only he can squash his feelings the same way too.

His head is filled to the brim with... he can't even tell what exactly it is that is occupying his mind and refusing to just let him be. Yes, he is upset over the bridge boy kissing another boy, but is it the only reason he is feeling so perplexed and worn out? That can't be just it, can it?

Part of him is mad at himself too — for liking the bridge boy in the first place, and then for building literally a fantasy island from it and then not being able to actually tell him about it.

Weary, Josh lies down on the hard wooden surface of the bridge — it is a bit warm from the sun, and it is probably very dirty as well, but Josh can't bring himself to care.

Josh's thoughts are truly scattered. One moment he will be thinking of one thing and then the next on another. But mostly his mind keeps circling back to one thing particular — the bridge boy and the circumstances under which they first met. There's been one particular thing that Josh has avoided thinking much about ever since that day.

He is very much grateful to be here and present but really, what will have happened if Elliot hadn't showed up that day and intervened? Will Josh have gone through with what he had planned? He thinks he was very much intent on what he intended to do that day.

Josh angles his head towards the end of the bridge and lets his thoughts run freely, trying to not be intimidated by his own thoughts. What would have happened if he had jumped? He has learnt, especially in these past few weeks that even though there are only a few people that he feels easy to be with, that is more than enough. That they truly care about him, and is ready to be by his side. Only thing is it's Josh who's hasn't been quite ready to let them in yet.

He turns away and looks up at the sky, placing both of his hands on his stomach and taking in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Okay, so, yeah, he did try to jump off a bridge. He wasn't thinking straight. He wasn't in his right mind. And maybe if the bridge boy didn't show up when he did, there's a good chance that Josh could have gone through with it.

But he didn't. Maybe it was his luck, maybe it was the universe's way of looking out for him, or maybe it was nothing but pure coincidence, but Elliot showed up and stopped him. Josh will be forever grateful for it and for him.

And just like that, his thoughts revert to Elliot and him kissing another boy and his mood instantly turns sour. The sky doesn't look very calming anymore. It's too cloudy, he can't even see the blue in the sky. Josh frowns up at the clouds as if that's going to make them disappear.

"Stupid clouds," he calls out; no change. But he decides to go on, "Stupid feelings," surprisingly it does make him feel a little better. He starts listing everything that has been irritating him lately, "Stupid crush. Stupid me. Stupid school. Stupid grades. Stupid father,"

It isn't long before the blond yawns, feeling sleepy, "Stupid stupid," he drawls, and rubbing his eyes, he tries to sit up, but his limbs have grown heavy and it's comfortable, he doesn't really want to move.

"Stupid sleep," he says however, trying to fight off the sleepiness that seems intent on pulling under, and yawns again, "Stupid Elliot," and with that, no matter how much he tries, his eyes close off their own accord, and he dozes off to sleep.