Teach Me How to Love You

Lesson 11- It's ok to cry even when you don't know why

I hate hospitals. I always have and I always will but that was not on my mind right now.

Colton sat next to me barely conscious. He was in shock and Michael had to hold an ice pack on his arm cause apparently he broke it and a two ribs.

"Hey have you ever seen a broken arm before?" Colton asked me.

"No Colton you can stop asking that question," I said. It was probably the fourth time.

"Oh," Colton laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.

I looked up from my phone cause I was tired of dying in Flappy Bird. There was a man to the right of us who kept throwing up in a bucket every 5 seconds and a woman with a child who had a large gash on her leg. To the left there was a teen girl with a burn on her arm and man with what seemed to be a snake bite.

I looked back at the receptionist. She was young with blonde hair and was reading a bathing suit magazine while blowing bubbles with her gum.

I pushed Colton's head off of my shoulder and onto Michael's. Mike looked at me but I ignored him and walked up to the receptionist.

"How long is the wait going to take?" I asked the lady.

"An hour maybe half." She didn't even look up.

"It's already been an hour," I said impatiently.

"Well then wait another one," she glared at me then turned back to her magazine.

"Listen hear Becky!" I said reading her name tag. "My friend is in pain and shock and will not shut up! I watched him get crushed under like 1,000 pounds and could not do a thing! It was all my fault too and there was nothing I could do! Do you even understand that feeling?! Oh of course not because you're just a brainless blonde who doesn't give a fuck about anyone cause you're to damn stupid!"

I had no idea where this was coming from but I could not seem to stop it.

"How do you think you would feel if a person you cared about got crushed and it was all your fault?! You would feel nothing bitch! You're just an ugly hoe!"

I didn't realize there were tears streaming down my face until Michael slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me back.

"If you don't get a doctor soon then I will get one myself!" I screamed the woman sat bewildered behind the desk as Mike put me back in my seat.

Everyone in the waiting room was quiet and was staring at me. Even puke dude was able to hold off his gag reflexes enough to stare at me. I crossed my arms and glared at everything in my line if sight.

"Are you ok?" Colton asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'll call your mom and give her another update."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled up Alice's contact. I told her we were still waiting but hopefully he'll be checked on soon.

"I'm trying my hardest to switch shifts with someone but I can't seem to get away from work!" She chuckled and I did too but not whole-heartedly.

"Would you like to speak to him?"

"No dear let him rest. I'll get there as soon as I can," she said. "Christine are you ok?"

"Sort of. I'm just a little stressed to know that I could have done something," I said tracing the lines on the tile with my shoe and remembering the comment I made to Michael when he and Colton finished playing basketball. Normally I would have just said yes but Alice had a way of getting the truth out if you like a piece of cake. I guess it's just a trait only real moms have.

"Hun there was nothing you could do but watch," her words made me cringe. "This was not your fault."

"Thanks Mrs. Jones," I said not very enthusiastically mainly because I knew it was my fault but I didn't have the heart to tell her why.

"Please, call me Alice," I could hear her smile over the phone and I smiled too.

"Ok thanks Alice. Goodbye." I hung up and put my phone in my back pocket.

"Is my mom ok?" Colton mumbled.

"Yeah she's trying to get off work."

"Ok," he closed his eyes again and I did too. "Hey Chris?"

"Mmm"

"Do you still think it was your fault?"

"Yeah Colton I do."

"Why?" He turned to look at me and I looked at him.

"Because it is! If I hadn't told you to play a sport then we wouldn't be here right now!" I said.

"Well I don't think it was your fault," Colton laid his head back on my shoulder. "Hopefully that's enough."

I stared at him as he drifted off to sleep. I felt like crying again but a different kind of crying and I could not figure out what kind.