Teach Me How to Love You

Lesson 15- Pain is bearable. Right?

I sighed in relief as the warm water ran down my aching body. I had just jumped in the shower after my Saturday morning run and my muscles were exhausted. Maybe I should have skipped my run today considering I was going to dance with Colton.

Ugh Colton. Every time I thought of Colton it felt like I had been stabbed and someone twisted the knife. It mostly Colton who seemed to twist it more and more everyday with his blue eyes and bright smile.

I stopped myself right there in my thoughts and hastily scrubbed my body and my hair. I was not gonna let my feelings get in the way of the task in front of me. I just had to remind myself that soon this will be all over.

I finished in the shower just as the doorbell rang. Colton was here and I didn't want to keep him waiting long.

I stepped out of the shower and reached for my towel that I usually sat on the toilet but touched thin air instead. I could've sworn I grabbed a towel.

I hastily walked to the sink and opened the cabinet beneath it. I was freezing and apparently there were no towels under the sink. I stood up and glanced around hoping I had put my towel down in an odd place and came up empty.

I cracked the door and peeked out to see if anyone was near. The hallway was clear and the laundry room was a few yards away. But I wasn't listening when Trevor told Colton that I was upstairs and Colton's heavy footsteps came drifting from the staircase.

As I was walking (well more like running) to the laundry room to grab my towel Colton had reached the top and was turning the corner meaning he got a good glimpse of me while I was running back. Naked.

"Oh God." Colton and I seemed to be frozen in place as he stared at me in complete surprise. His face was red all the way back to his ears.

It seemed like eternity though it was only a couple of seconds as I finally jumped out of my fog and wrapped the towel around my freezing body.

"Um hey," I said once the towel was secure and covered me enough.

"Uh, you were... and I was... and what just happened?" Colton asked still frozen and in shock. The towel seemed to feel like it wasn't covering me enough.

"Well you just got a good look at my birthday suit," I chuckled but Colton didn't seem to find it funny.

"Um how about I change and then I'll meet you downstairs ok?"

Colton still hadn't moved so I just ran into the bathroom and shut the door quickly. I leaned against the door and sighed.

Jesus that was awkward.

---

"Ok Colton, the first dance we are going to practice is very traditional," I said. Colton and I were standing in the dance studio that the neighborhood ballerinas used but it was currently unoccupied.

Colton nodded his head and waited for further instructions from me but I was too busy examining his face. Colton still hadn't gotten over the me being naked part and I found it hilarious.

"I'm waiting," Colton scratched the back of his head clearly uncomfortable. I just chuckled and continued with my lesson.

"First you are going to put your left hand on my waist and I will put my right hand on your shoulder." He followed my instructions and I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. He was very tense.

"Relax," I whispered. "Just focus on the dance."

I played the CD that sat in the CD player. Soft piano music filled the room as I took Colton's right hand and lifted it into the air.

"Now you lead me where you want to go." He nodded his head and took a step back with his right foot so I took a step forward with my left.

He then took a step back with the opposite foot and I took a step forward with the opposite. Suddenly Colton wanted to take a step forward to hastily and I didn't catch his movement. I was sure there was a crunching noise as he stepped on my toe and I immediately cried out.

"Ouch! Damn it!" I took several steps away from him and crouched on the floor cradling my toes. Holy shit that hurt.

"Oh my God I am so sorry," Colton ran to my side and examined my toe.

"I'm ok, I'm ok," I said. I stood up and prepared myself for round two. Then three, then four and so on.

We made some progress at least. By the third try Colton learned to be easy in the stepping so I decided to take a step forward (not literally). That was a mistake.

Let's just say I was spinning, Colton forgot to not let go of me, and now I have a bump on my head.

"I'm so sorry. Again," Colton chuckled. He touched the bump so gently I almost didn't feel it. I was trying my hardest to avoid his eyes with great difficulty. I failed.

The second I turned my head I was in a trance. His eyes seemed to lock me in place and I couldn't look away. It felt like we were the only people in the world and I wanted him so bad. I wanted to kiss his lips and tear his shirt off so I could run my hands over his defined muscles.

Well that is definitely the most strangest thought I have ever had. But I liked it.

Suddenly I was leaning in unwillingly. We were so close I could smell his breath (which smelled like pepper mints) and I was on fire. I couldn't help myself he was so hot and I was so unfocused around him.

I wanted Colton to be the one to close the space kind of like a test but he wasn't moving. As a matter of fact, I don't even think he was breathing. So I closed the space.

I immediately regretted it.

I kissed him but he didn't kiss back. He just sat there trying to process what was happening and when he did he backed up quickly and took several steps back.

The air that suddenly hit my lips was so cold compared to his warm mouth. I looked up at Colton who's eyes were wide with shock.

"Um... I... Well that was..." I had no idea what to say. I just kissed Colton!

"That shouldn't have happened. Why did it happen?" Colton asked.

"I... don't know," I said. "Colton I'm sorry."

"I gotta go," Colton mumbled. He walked hastily towards the door.

"Colton wait!" I called but he was gone.

The feeling of rejection hit me like a truck. Colton didn't just twist the knife. He stabbed me again and again and again. With every tear that rolled down my cheek seemed to be another stab to the heart.

I don't know how long I sat on that floor or how long I cried or how long I was asleep. I just remember waking up in a puddle of tears on the dance floor feeling vulnerable and alone. Completely and utterly alone.