Saving Myself

Prologue

18 months ago...

I had been cramped in the back of the car for the entire journey, my old MP3 had run out of charge 3 hours ago. Marie had spent the whole 5 hour journey from Illinois texting on her phone while mother had slept.

Approaching my new home with the moving trucks behind us was kind of overwhelming. Dad said the move would do us some good, he said that mother could get the help she needed but no matter how much I wanted to believe it, I couldn't allow myself to have that hope.

My internal thoughts were confirmed when Marie, mother and father all headed inside the house to rest while I was left to unpack and help the movers.

Taking a second to look around the new neighbourhood, I couldn't help but notice how much nicer it was to the ones I was used to. The houses were all pristine with white picket fences, literally.

Normally, the places we stayed were run down with sketchy neighbours, so it was strange that Dad would spend so much money now. Maybe we would stay for a while.

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It only took a few weeks for me to realise that staying for a while as not a positive thing. I had not  yet left the house because of my mother's constant threat, Dad was barely home but when he was, it was explosive. Like now.

"You can't keep leaving John, I'm stuck looking after your whore of a daughter" Mother screeched.

Did I mention while unpacking I found a picture of my mother, my real mother. This woman who abused me for so many years was not my family.

"Don't you dare walk out of this house" the front door slammed shut.

"SAANNNG!" 

I couldn't ignore her even though I knew what was coming, it was always worse when I tried to ignore her.

As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs, the wind was knocked out of me as her fist collided with my stomach.

"This is your fault! Everyone leaves you, first your slut of a mother, now your father. You're a worthless piece of shit"

Once she got in a few kicks to my ribs she went to her room and passed out of pain medication. I just lay on the floor for a while wondering what I ever did to deserve this life.

I woke up to the sound of chirping birds and playful laughter coming from the street. Last night I had packed a bag and intended to get out of the house but the rain never stopped, I took it as a sign.

I was curious to see where the laughter was coming from so I took a peak out of the window. Across the street there was a group of 4 guys all coming out of silver BMW. By the way they shoved each other and joked, you could tell they were family.

I wanted that.

I came to a realisation after looking in the kitchen that morning that with Dad gone we had no source of income. No matter how ignorant he was, at least he kept food in the house.

It was clear that the only solution was for me to get a job but who would take on a seventeen year old with no experience.

I made the decision to leave, to finally escape from my mother's torment. It was selfish to leave them but even if I found a job, I wouldn't earn enough to feed us all. I was finally putting myself first.

I took the bag I had packed the previous night, careful not to move too quickly as the pain of my mother's punishment increased.

I willed myself not to cry when I stepped out of the back door. I needed to change, to be strong. I could no longer be the girl that was awkward and sheltered. I wouldn't be abused or taken advantage of anymore.

Never again. I was saving myself.