Purple Adventures [1ST DRAFT/BEING REWRITTEN]

Chapter || Six

This chapter is dedicated to the light that is Cameron Boyce but also to his loved ones, everyone else SUDEP took too soon and their friends and families. A great injustice has been dealt but may we all find peace, guided by their lights which will always be with us.

The morning after our adventure to the tattoo parlour I woke up to bad news.

An actor, dancer and philanthropist I had grown up watching and admiring had passed away from my worst nightmare.
It wasn't public knowledge that he had epilepsy until now but SUDEP had taken the bright light known as Cameron Boyce.

My heart shattered instantly and the tears started before I could stop them. My chest constricted and I couldn't breathe. The familiar symptoms of a panic attack settling in.

It somehow didn't feel real while feeling too real at the same time. I believed what I read while it felt unbelievable.

I feared SUDEP since I had found out about it.
An extensive autopsy has to be taken to rule out other causes, such as having a seizure and hitting your head with the hit to the head being the cause of death. SUDEP meant the seizure itself had caused the death and nobody really knew for sure why it happens.
There are certain aspects that put you at higher risk of falling victim to SUDEP but there was no real way to avoid it other than trying to manage your seizures.
That didn't work for Cameron though. His seizures were well managed, he had gone 13 months seizure free, and still, SUDEP stole him.

My seizures have never been well managed, my last one was just two nights ago, and I've always been an extremely high risk for SUDEP. I knew it and I still let it effect me a little too much.
Seizures in your sleep are a major risk, sleep deprivation making matters worse, but that knowledge didn't help the anxiety that was so bad that I couldn't sleep.
I recently started to get my sleep health under better control thanks to strong anxiety medications majorly helped with this and I held no shame in this.
That was until Cameron's death. Instantly my anxiety increased and became uncontrollable. I couldn't sleep at night no matter what I tried. I was terrified that SUDEP would take me too. When I could get small doses of sleep I dreamed of moments of him in movies and shows or SUDEP taking me which caused me to wake up in a panic attack.

The lack of sleep triggered more seizures. Cameron's death and my declining health was devastating but I couldn't cope or handle either factor to my devastation. I was out of control and I couldn't figure out how to get ahold of myself.

I was so damn tired and missed Cameron with my whole heart and soul.

I felt so guilty too. Why did a plain Maia hiding in her cave get to survive while the bright shining light of an earth angel, who was doing so much to better the world, was taken away from the world so soon. He was so loved and making such an impact. What was I doing? I believe they call this survivors guilt. Thoughts like this were constantly on my racing mind, eating away at me.

While I refused to go to university I also simply couldn't master going even if I wanted to when I was so sleep deprived and constantly recovering from seizures. Not to mention I was constantly on the verge of a panic attack that could burst at any moment.

I didn't leave my room for anything other than the bathroom and food, however I'd lost most of my appetite.

I watched the recordings of each lecture between panic attacks and seizures. Nereus came over every Friday to make sure I was keeping up but we didn't speak about anything other than university work. By that I mean Nereus ran me through what I missed and I nodded my head. I was barely keeping up.
I'd suddenly run to bathroom when I could feel another panic attack coming on.
Even though Nereus was helping me to the best of their ability they didn't actually know what was wrong. The only words I had spoken to them was a text simply stating that I wouldn't be on campus for a little while and another agreeing to our silent study sessions. However when I'd run to the bathroom they'd take that as their cue to pack up and leave. I was thankful for this.