Finding The Write Words

Chapter 30

Patton was a wreck. He spent most of his time that he wasn't at work lying in bed. He curled up in the blankets, curling his body into a ball to take up as little space as possible, and he stared at the wall. Stared at the painting that Roman had given him when they first met.

The room smelled like him.

The sheets and blankets carried memories of him, and Patton wrapped them around himself, breathing him in. The world passed in a blur, every minute somehow both passing in a second and stretching on for hours. Time had no meaning. Nothing had any meaning.

He barely registered the sound of the knocking, and when he didn't answer, the door opened.

He barely registered the shift in the bed when someone sat down.

He barely registered the soft touch of a hand on his forehead, brushing his hair away from his face.

He looked up anyways.

He turned around and looked up.

Seeing Roman, smiling softly down at him, he felt his heart clench in his chest.

It wasn't real.

He wasn't real.

He was hurt.

He was gone.

He was fake.

He wasn't real.

His fingers brushed softly against Patton's cheek, bringing him crashing back to reality hard enough to bring tears to his eyes.

"I'm okay, Pat," he whispered, breaking the silence of the room. "I'm okay."

His words rang in his ears, breaking the flood gates. Patton's body heaved with one big sob before he was trembling, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Roman as loosely as he could restrain himself to be.

He was real.

He was safe.

And he was real.

They went through the same thing day after day after day. Patton was pale and shaky, tears flowing even in his sleep.

What little he got anyways.

Logan had tried comforting him a few times, but they had soon learned that Patton wouldn't believe that Roman was okay unless it was Roman doing the comforting. Unless he saw him right in front of him.

They felt helpless. They could do nothing but stand back and watch as Roman comforted Patton. They were, admittedly, more than a little jealous. Not only because they weren't able to help Patton in any way, but because they had to stay strong.

Roman had so much on his plate already. He'd had to drop his dance class for the rest of the semester, and drop out of the musical. And he had to overcome his wariness of cars - which had been more than difficult. And he had to comfort Patton every day.

Logan knew they had to make things as easy for him as possible. They knew that they couldn't add on another worry to his plate. They knew that they had to stay strong.

No matter how many nights they woke up drenched in a cold sweat.

No matter how many times they had been late to class because they couldn't take the normal way to school.

They couldn't see the crash site.

They knew it was ridiculous.

They hadn't even been involved in the crash, and yet they felt more pain from it then Roman seemed to.

Over a month had passed and Virgil still hadn't come back, nor had he even written to them. But Roman's ribs were healed. It was only then that he was willing to go back to school. He had picked up online courses in place of the on-campus ones up to that point so he could avoid getting in the car.

He even avoided his checkups, constantly rescheduling them and then rescheduling again when the day came.

But by the time his ribs healed, he told himself he was ready.

He forced himself to get into the car.

Patton drove.

Patton had been driving Roman's car since Remus left a couple weeks ago.

Roman bounced his leg in the car, his entire body tensed. He gripped his phone in one hand - ready to call 911 if he needed to - and the other gripping onto his seat belt. His eyes flickered from Patton's window to his to the front. Only when he got to the school safely did he relax. He felt the weight of the panic leave him suddenly, and his entire body drooped as he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

With Roman out of the house, Logan allowed themself to break down.

Again.

They didn't have to worry about Roman feeling the need to comfort them.

They didn't have to worry about stealing attention away from Patton.

They didn't have to worry about being judged for breaking down.

They were allowed to feel.

Their body trembled and shook with tears that poured down their face in an endless stream. Their breath came in hiccuping gasps and they curled in on themself, burying their face in their hands.

The door opened and within an instant, they heard the padding of feet rushing towards them, and someone crouched beside them.

Patton wrapped his arms around them, sinking to sit on the floor with them. "Hey, hey, Lo Lo, it's okay. What's wrong? What happened?"

They couldn't speak, but they were able to relax somewhat in his arms.

"It's okay. We're okay. He's okay," he whispered, his own voice cracking as tears pricked in his eyes. He held Logan in his arms, rocking slightly with them and reaching up to card through their hair, combing it back from their face. He repeated the words until Logan stopped crying, and only then did the two of them notice that their arms were tingling.

Patton rolled up the sleeve of his cardigan and looked down at his skin only to see, in pink ink, in Virgil's handwriting, "I'm coming home."