After Forever

Chapter 27

Hardin

Right before I left London to come here I had gotten the closest I ever got to slipping up. I was playing this show and afterwards went to a party. Now most people know I don't drink or do any drugs because of my past. However, I was offered a drink and instead of turning it down I held it in my hand. And the weight of it was more than I could bare. Not that it was physically too heavy, but everything hit me all at once.

The weight of what me drinking that drink would mean. Would it mean I would revert back to how I was, and maybe not survive this time. Or am I better now and can handle having a drink every now and then. And of course that goes against everything I learned from rehab. However, I felt like I could handle it and I wanted that drink. I wanted it so bad and I had to the glass to my lips and smelled the whiskey and could almost taste it and something in me told me to put it down. I ended up leaving the party right then and there.

And ever since then the want has not gone away. Which sucks because for so, so, so long that feeling wasn't there. So why now, why when I have the chance to get back everything I lost. And  by everything I mean Tessa. Why am I on the verge of losing it again, losing myself again, and never getting her back.

And here I am about to walk into this club to meet Jace and his friends, and all I can think about is drinking, and it's killing me. I don't even think about who else would or could be there because all my mind is consumed by is getting drunk right now.

"Hey man, back from the dead!" yells Jace.

"How's it going?" I nonchalantly reply.

"You dropped from the face of the earth when you left, what's been going on?" asks Jace.

I look around the room, and surprisingly don't recognize anyone or see any of our old friends which is good.

"Like I told you was just in town for Landon's wedding." I reply.

My thoughts were obviously too soon, because in walks Molly, Steph and Zed.

Before I can wrap my head around the three of them being right in front of me Molly runs up and gives me a hug. I awkwardly hug her back, and step away quickly.

My immediate thoughts are to Zed and the fact that I spent the other night in jail because of him and that I am potentially in even more trouble because of him.

As much as the old Hardin wants to come out and just hit him again because I can. I decide to pretend he isn't even there, and he has seemed to do the same.

Steph seems a little less receptive to seeing me than I would have thought and just says "wow, Hardin, weird seeing you here." 

She is right though this is weird and feels wrong. I am with the group of people who I started the bet with and the group of people who I was friends with when I was at my absolute worst, and here I am hanging out with them.

After an hour or so that felt like eternity of just meaningless conversation I decide to head out to the front on the bar to have a smoke. I really didn't smoke until I quit drinking. And it used to be I smoked when I drank. But it has become a thing I do when I'm stressed.

And being back here and being around these people again, and seeing Tess and everything with that is definitely bringing on a whole new level of stress.

As I am out front leaning up against the railing of the patio. I feel a pat on my back and see it is Easton and Tessa with a group of people. He reaches out and shakes me hand. I go with just giving Tessa a nod, as I pull the cigarette out of my mouth and put it between my fingers to try to hide the fact that I am smoking. I know she hates smoking, and probably hates me...again.

"Hey, how is it going man." I say.  

"We are just showing my buddies from Vanderbilt around the city and we were going to take them to this club." he replies.

Of course they are at the same place as me, with the same people Tessa would hate me for being with. Of course....of fucking course. 

"Cool man, maybe i'll catch up with you guys later." I say.

As I stop caring for a minute and bring the cigarette back to my lips, taking a big inhale and letting it out, as I can see Tessa look at me out of the corner of her eye as she enters the club. 

The moment she walks in she is going to see that Jace, Molly, Zed and Steph are all there and her thoughts will immediately be brought back to before. And that is the last thing that I want.