After Forever

Chapter 59

Hardin

Hours pass and I am still outside.

I don't want to think about her not being here. She was one of the good ones. She deserved a life. A life outside of this hospital. To be back teaching and have a family. She should have been able to have all of that.

If anyone shouldn't be here...well it's me.

I feel like I should have died instead of her and if I had...maybe other people's lives wouldn't be so fucked right now.

My mum, Ken, Vance, Kim, Tessa i am sure the list goes on.

I am talking to my doctor later today. And I already started looking up flights.... at this time tomorrow I plan on being on a flight back to London.

When I return to my room Landon and Ken are sitting there.

"Nice of you to show up" I say to Ken as I walk in.

"Hardin I just needed time to process everything." He replies.

"Well how did that work out for you, ...you good?" I ask.

"Nothing changes....Hardin you are still my son." Ken replies.

"Well we know now that's not true....I am now even less of a son than good ol' Landon here." I say.

"Look Hardin, I came here to see how you were not to fight with you." He says

"Yea man we just want to make sure you are doing okay, we know this is hard." Landon says.

"Yup" I reply.

They stay for a while mostly just talking to each other. Once they finally get the hint that I want them to leave they get up. As Landon is walking out he says "hey Tessa told me about your friend, I'm sorry."

"I barely knew her it's fine." I reply.

I just have to shut it off. Everything I'm feeling about Madi. I want to shut it off. I feel like that's shutting off all my feelings right now though....

Once they are gone I start to do some work but I am distracted...I am trying to think of how to tell Tessa goodbye. Because I know I have to do that this time.

She just ended a damn engagement over me. And I am going to leave her...again.

And I'm not saying I don't want anything with her....because I do or I think I do. I don't know anymore. I just know I don't want her to hurt again because of me. And I feel like if I stick around I can't promise her that.

The doctor ends up coming in later that afternoon. Along with my mum who knew the meeting was today.

My mum has visited almost everyday but I have been really cold to her and barely said more than two words every time she has visited.

"Hi Mr. Scott, how are we feeling?" He asks

"Ehh could be better." I reply

"Okay well I am just going to cut to the chase....I have good news. We can go back to outpatient treatment. Everything is responding well. We can go to one day a week chemo and we should be on the up to a full recovery if everything keeps responding this way." He says.

"Alright when can I leave?" I ask

"I just have to do some paperwork and you can be on your way." He says.

I guess I wasn't expecting that. And why do I get to get better and Madi didn't....Why do I get to go home? And she didnt... it's not fair you know.

I want to just go to the hotel for the night and just leave tomorrow afternoon but I know I can't do that.

"Hardin this is amazing news I'm so happy" my mum says as she's hugging me.

"Yep it's great" I reply.

"I am going to go back to London to finish my treatment." I say.

"I don't advise flying at this time,  your immune system is compromised." The doctor says.

"Hardin listen to the doctor we can stay here until you are better." My mum says.

"No, I already decided I am going back, I'll be fine" I reply.

"As usual you know everything Hardin. This is not something to be your stubborn self about. This is a matter of your health and well being." My mum yells

"Are you done?" I reply

"I'll leave you two alone." The doctor says.

I start packing my shit up while my mum continues to yell at me...at this point I'm ignoring her.

The nurse comes in a little while later for me to sign the discharge papers.

I sign them and ask my mum to drive me to the hotel. 

She's not happy when we get there and I decide to get my own room.

I haven't talked to Tessa yet but I know I need to...