After Forever

Chapter 29

Hardin

I have no idea what I am doing here. Or why everything that lead me to the hell I went through is currently staring at me in the face literally. And I am watching Tessa as she talks to Zed, and my head is going back to exactly how I would have felt about it when we were together. Why does she always push things. I think that is what always drove me so crazy about her is she knew certain things would make me mad and she would do them anyways.

Also why did i think I had it so together when I got here, and that I changed and that everything would be fine. Everything has been absolute shit since I have been back, and it just keeps getting worse. I already fucked up with Tessa, and I just need to be able to go back and I hope they give me the no return so I can just be done because this place is already destroying me...again.

She is destroying me....again.

I get up from the table and just walk out. I don't say anything to anyone, and I just leave.

When I get back to Ken's, him and Karen are already asleep.

It was hard for me when I was going through rehab knowing I ended up exactly like the man I despised so much for leaving his family and getting drunk night after night and not coming home, and I went and did the same thing to my mum.

It is hard for me now too I guess, because on the way home I stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey, and it is currently staring at me on the counter.

That something that stopped me before isn't stopping me and I open the bottle and pour some into a glass.

Before I can hesitate I take a sip. The burn is better than I remember and I just crave more.

I finish what is left in the glass, and pour myself another, and another.

Before I know it half the bottle is gone already. I don't know why I had nothing but self control when I was back in London and every ounce of that is gone in this moment.

I feel how fucked up I am feeling and the last thing I need is Ken or Karen to see me drinking and make a big deal of it so I take the bottle to my room and throw it into my suitcase and the moment my head hits the pillow I pass out.