After Forever

Chapter 67

Tessa

My heart hurts.

I grab his hand and pull him into me and he wraps his hand behind my neck and kisses my head and grabs my other hand and puts it next to his chest and just holds me close.

When he pulls away he lets go of my neck and pulls my chin up towards him and gently kisses me.

"I love you....
and I'm so sorry." He says.

And I have wanted to hear that since the second he left me 5 years ago.

And his words sting me. My stomach drops.

And as much as I want to tell him I love him more than anything in this world. I can't.

I look away and pull my hand away.

"I came here to make sure you were okay. Not to be together." I tell him.

"Okay. That's fair." He replies.

What am I doing? I am doing what he does pushing him away. Stop Tessa.

"I'm sorry I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just scared for the future and it's not just about me and you anymore. We are having a baby." I say slightly raising my voice.

"I know and I want to try and be there." He says.

"Hardin there is no trying to be there. You either are or you aren't. It can't be all about you anymore like it always is." I say this time really shouting.

"Well that's why I'm going to get help so I can change. For you. For both of you." He replies.

"I don't know if I can take that chance?" I reply.

"On me?" He questions

"How many chances are you supposed to get?" I ask

"Fair enough. You are right. I don't deserve anymore chances. And I won't ask you for one." He replies.

"What does that mean?" I question.

"I don't deserve you I never did." He replies

I turn towards him and push my head into his chest.

"Why does it have to be so hard with us?" I ask

"I don't know" he simply replies.

"We should get back" I tell him.

"Okay." He replies.

The ride home we both don't say a word.

And when we walk in Trish is making dinner.

"Where's Vance?"  Hardin asks.

"I was out of basil so he ran to the supermarket. I thought you could have a nice home cooked meal" Trish says to Hardin.

"I'm not hungry" he says and goes into his room.

"Are you okay?" She asks me.

And I don't know if I am. But I shrug and follow Hardin into his room.

"Can you stop being so mean to your mother." I say as I walk in.

Hardin is leaning into his dresser holding his stomach and looks to be in pain.

"What happened, are you okay?" I instantly say.

"I'm fine. Just get out of here please." He says as he drops to his knees.

"Hardin!" I scream and run to him.

Trish comes running in. "What's going on?"

"I'm fine I just need to lay down you both didn't need to freak out." He says as he gets up and sits onto the bed.

I try to sit next to him and he moves away from me.

"I'll let you get some rest." I say.

"Hardin are you sure you're okay?" Trish asks.

"Yea...now can I lay down." He says.

We both leave the room and in walks Vance.

"What did I miss?" Asks Vance.

"Hardin won't be joining us." Trish replies

"Did he use?" Asks Vance

And for a moment I think and he wouldn't have had time to so I am thinking no. He really just looked like he was in extreme pain and he just wanted it to go away.

"No he just isn't feeling good." I reply.

We eat dinner. Even though I felt not very hungry myself.

"Thank you Trish for dinner it was delicious. I am going to go check on Hardin." I tell Trish.

When I get in his room he is sound asleep. I decide to curl up next to him. He doesn't fully wake up but he moves his arms so they are wrapped around me and being in his arms is the best feeling in the world.

I turn into him and he gives me a kiss. And then moves his hand so it's on my stomach. And in that moment I pretended like we could be a family and things would be fine.

The next thing I know I am waking up to sunlight and it is morning. I don't even remember falling asleep but it has been a long few days and I really was exhausted. Physically and emotionally.

I turn over and no Hardin.

I quickly get up and go out of the room.

"Good morning Tessa. Did you sleep okay?" Asks Vance.

"Have you seen Hardin?" I quickly ask.

His demeanor quickly changes. "He's not in his room?" Vance questions.

"No I woke up and he was gone." I reply.

"Let me try calling him." Says Trish

"Straight to voicemail." She says.

No not again. Is all I can think.

The next thing I know in walks Hardin. Carrying a drink holder with 4 coffees.

He sets it on the counter while we are all staring at him.

"Umm hello." He says

We all quickly pretend like we weren't just in a panic.

"Hi sweetheart, thank you for the coffee!" Says Trish

I can't help but notice his blood shot eyes. And I can tell Vance notices too.

We all sit down at the table.

"So when are we leaving?" He asks.

"I was thinking soon." Replies Vance.

And then it hit me he would be away from me again... and how scared I am because I don't know if he can do this. I mean look at him right now.