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The doctors still think I'm unconscious; in reality, I wasn't ready to face anyone yet. The faces of those I've killed won't leave my mind, and I dread opening my eyes. Once I open my eyes, there's no going back. I'll have to go on Caeser's show, and endure the Victory Tour. I wasn't ready to face Azure's family and tell them that I had failed at keeping her safe.
"Her wound was severe, but we repaired it to the best of our abilities. I've seen enough victors to know that she's awake. I'm sure she'll open her eyes for a familiar face." I hear the doctor who had been monitoring me, say. "Thank you." A voice replies. The voice belongs to Finnick. The wight on the mattress shifts, and I feel a hand on my cheek. "Poor girl." I hear Verena sigh.
"Cora, if you're awake, you can open your eyes. I'm right here." Maybe I'm dead, and this is Heaven. Maybe I died in that arena, and I can listen to Finnick talking all day. The pain in my stomach crushes those wishes.
"Verena, can we have the room?" I hear him ask, followed my footsteps. It's silent for a moment before Finnick speaks again.
"I know what you're feeling right now. Guilty, ashamed, scared. The memory of taking someone's life replays in your head over and over again. You blame yourself for things that were out of your control. I still feel the same way. It's not your fault, Cora. You did what you had to do to survive." A tear runs down my face, and eventually, I open my eyes, sobbing.
"I'm a murderer..." I whisper, my voice hoarse. Finnick pulls me close, practically cradling me.
***
"Let's welcome the victor of the 66th Hunger Games, and our Little Mermaid, Miss Coralia Underfell!" Caeser's voice hurts my head. The wound from cracking my head open on the ice was nearly invisible, but my head still ached. I faked a smile, and stood up straight, heading on stage.
"Coralia, what an honor! You look stunning in that emerald dress! Just stunning! Can we applaud District 4 for their back to back winnings? Now, tell us how you feel about meeting President Snow tonight, where he will crown you. Aren't you excited?" No. I dread seeing his face in person - it was bad enough from a distance.
"I'm thrilled. President Snow is so generous to allow my family and I to live in luxury for the rest of our lives." I lie, hoping my smile is convincing enough. I just want to go home and see my family. I want to be in Finnick's arms. The lights dim, and Caeser's face grows serious.
"Tell us, what was it like, ripping that ax from your own body becoming the victor? I think I speak for all of Panem when I say you are a strong, brave girl." The crowd cheers, and I try not to think of of my final moments in the arena.
"The only thing that kept me going was the thought of seeing my family again. The thought of never seeing my little sister again tore me apart." I say. I don't want to talk about this. I look at Finnick, who is in the front row of the audience. He gives me a reassuring nod.
"An amazing role model for the young kids of Panem out there." Not true. I know Finnick notices that I'm digging my nails into my palms, but there's nothing he can do. Caeser asks me questions about Blaze, and how touched the audience had been. He says that I'm brilliant with a trident, even though I'm not. The last thing he brings up is Azure. He says that all of Panem were in tears when I'd put her glasses back on her face. Noticing that I couldn't bring myself to talk about it, he wrapped up the interview.
"A round of applause for our new victor, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight we will watch as President Snow officially crowns her as such. For now, a highlight of the 66th Hunger Games!" He exclaims, and the last thing I see is the crowd cheering as they roll the tape. I can see how panicked I was before the canon went off.
***
Something President Snow had said wasn't sitting with me right. I'd been on national television, Panem watching as a beautiful crown was placed on my head. Snow had leaned in to whisper something in my ear.
"Sugar cube for your thoughts?" Finnick asks, offering me the white cube. I roll my eyes, but take the cube of sugar from him.
"It's just something Snow said. He told me that we were going to become very familiar with one another. I just want to go home." I sigh, chewing on the treat. Finnick's face pales, knowing that Snow had said the same thing to him.
***
I rush into my father's arms as soon as the train arrives in 4. He holds me tight, and I can hear him sniffling. "My baby, you did it. You came back to us." He cries, still holding me tight. When he lets go, Marina throws herself at me. "I thought I'd never see you again." She whispered, not letting go of me. My uncle gives me a hug, telling me that he knew I could do it. After being welcomed back by District 4, Verena leads us to Victor's Village. The houses are huge, and ours is directly across from Finnick's. I can tell my family doesn't know what to say to me, and I don't blame them. I felt like I was going to break into a million pieces at any second. When I go to the bathroom, I look in the mirror, seeing how sunken in my face looks, and how tired I looked. My father had always told me I had a sparkle in my eyes, but now it was gone, and I wasn't sure if it was ever coming back.
