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Finnick and I were both coming home; it had been a couple of weeks, and I still felt dirty. Though I knew he was the only person I knew who was going through the same thing, I couldn't bring myself to ask Finnick anymore questions. We arrived at the train station, but as my family didn't know when I was coming home, they weren't here. As we got off the train, I turned to Finnick.
"I want to tell them the truth. If I keep it bottled up forever, I think my head will explode. Would...would you stay with me?" Finnick grabbed my hand, nodding. "Always."
We walked in silence to my house, and I felt numb as I watched people from my District wave at us. They were proud of us - for bringing the district victory. To them, we were warriors made out of steel, never scared, never scarred. It bothered me, but I would never say anything about it. I think of how disappointed my father will be in me when I tell him the truth - that I was weak, and I tried to take the easy way out. Surely, he'd resent me for that. How could I be so selfish? I would've left my sister all alone.
Finnick had to tell me when we arrived at my house, because I was too deep in my thoughts to notice. Though it was my own home, I found myself knocking on the door. My uncle opened it, and he grinned, pulling me into a hug. I didn't mean to flinch, but I did. I don't think he noticed.
"Orian! Marina!" He shouted, pulling us inside. I didn't even see my sister coming, but she slammed her body into mine for a hug. I tried not to cry while I hugged them - I didn't want them to think something was wrong. They could never know about the deal I made with Snow. It was too dangerous.
***
When my uncle had returned from Mags's house for a reason that was unknown to me, we all sat in the living room. I gripped Finnick's hand tightly. "You don't have to do this. You don't owe anyone."
"I know." I smiled sadly before standing up, walking towards the center of the room.
"I have something to confess." I say, breathing out heavily. The attention is turned to me as I sigh. I looked back to Finnick, who gave me a reassuring nod.
"About a month after I got back and had one of my nightmares, and dad, you came in to comfort me - I sent you back to bed and I told you I was fine. I...I wasn't. I'm still not." My family is looking at me with confusion written all over their faces.
"I went out through my window, and I walked towards the water. I didn't grab any shoes...nothing. I sat on the rocks, and I tried to let the breeze calm me down. My, uh, my thoughts just kept getting worse. I couldn't escape it." My father is sitting at the edge of his seat, wondering where this story is going.
"Azure was so small...there was so much blood. The girl from 2 was holding her head up by her hair, and the fear being evident as her last moments...I had just been with her - I told her I was going to be right back, I even told her that I could wait, but I went anyway. She smiled at me, and it haunts my dreams every night. If I would've been there to protect her..." My sister shakes her head.
"It wasn't your fault, Lia." She says. I shake my head, continuing my speech.
"I just wanted to feel the waves crash between my toes, so I started walking towards the water, but I never stopped. I just kept going deeper and deeper. Before I knew it, I was completely underwater. My lungs felt like they were on fire, and it felt like there was a bomb in my head about to blow, but I still didn't swim. I just stayed underwater." I wipe a tear.
"Finnick found me; he told me my heart wasn't beating when he pulled me out of the water. He saved me, and I begged him not to tell. I knew you would be mad at me, or disappointed in me, and you would think I was weak-"
"Coralia, my sweet girl, how could think we would be mad at you?" My father asks, and I stay silent.
"You aren't weak. You're the strongest person I've met. If you can go through hell and back, and still have a smile on your face when you talk with your sister, or bake with Mags, you aren't weak. No one in this room besides Finnick can imagine what you went through. I am not disappointed in you, I am proud of you for fighting it. I am proud of you, and I will say it as many times as it takes you to believe me. And you, Finnick, thank you. You are always welcome in this household, and I could never repay you for saving her." A sob leaves my body, and my father is quick to pull me into a hug. Marina's joins shortly after, and so does my uncle. I can see tears in Finnick's eyes, but he stays seated, not wanting to intrude.
"Odair, you get over here, too. You're family now." Finnick joins the hug, and I start to feel a little bit better. About this, at least. There was no telling when Snow would want me back in the Capitol for my services. I knew that these memories would never go away, but maybe they would get better.
"Thank you for telling us." Marina says. When everyone pulls away, my uncle starts smiling.
"Now, I went over to Mags's, and she said she was going to bake you the best birthday cake you've ever seen. I'm going to go get her and the cake, and we're gonna celebrate your birthday."
