My Screwed Up Life

My Screwed Up Life (Another one of those love stories)Ch.11

I got home and told my mom I was tired and was going to bed.  She said good night and I went upstairs.  I kicked off my shoes and got on my bed.  I felt like crying.  I didn’t know what to do.  I thought I was about to have a panic attack.  

I got up and started pacing around my room in an attempt to try and calm myself down.  I stopped in front of my mirror and took off my make up so I wouldn’t have to do it in the morning.  I was still really anxious.  

I looked on the shelf next to my mirror.  I saw the scissors.  I used to cut myself with those scissors.  I don’t know why I kept them.  I haven’t done it in about 2 months  I picked up the scissors and pulled up my sleeve and with out a second thought I took the scissor and slid the sharpest point across my arm.  I instantly felt relief.  (A/N I’m not saying that any of you should ever try SH to get a certain “relief”)

After I did that I breathed again.  It felt so good to do that again after such a long time.  After I let it bleed for a few minutes I took an old shirt I wasn’t using anymore and wiped away some of the blood.  I opened my door a crack to see if any one was in the hall way.  Once I thought it was safe I bolted for the bathroom.  

When I used to cut I was always clean about it.  I always cleaned up after I got my satisfaction.  I locked the bathroom door.  I took the shirt away from the cut and turned on the water. I cleaned up the rest of the blood that was there.  It had stopped bleeding.  I have no idea why I didn’t stop myself.  This was something I never would have done a week ago... well never would have done again.  

I made my way back to my room and put on a pair of black stripped shorts and a teal spaghetti strap shirt, which is what I usually wear to bed.  That  night was the first night in a long time that I had fallen asleep and stayed asleep during the night.  

I woke up the next morning feeling renewed and refreshed.  I had thought I was done with all of that, but now I know what I have to do and what help’s me take the edge off.  It’s not like I’m doing drugs or drinking right.  I need this.  

I got out of bed and put on a sweat shirt to hide my most recent guilty pleasure.  I made my way down the stairs and in to my kitchen.  I got a bottle of water and figured that it was a nice enough day to go out on the porch and sit for a while.  I sat in the same spot I sat in the first time I met Blake.  

Thinking about that brought a smile to my face.  The it quickly dropped when I remembered my stupid actions last night.  I started to panic again when he came out of his house.  I can’t run away now.  He probably already saw me.  I thought to myself.  I knew I was right when I saw him walk towards me.  

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Hey, I know this chapter is short, but it plays a major event in the story.  It ay not seem like it now, but it is.  And plus this is two chapters in one day.  Please check out my other stories.  Feel free to comment or vote or become a fan.

XOXO

~L