Run Away With Me

The Fine Art Of Facing Fears

There is something utterly terrifying about being stark naked in a room full of people staring at you. It feels exactly how every nightmare told you it would.

And then it didn't.

In your dreams, everyone is staring and laughing, pointing at you and cackling at your nakedness.

That's what I expected when I took my robe off. But instead, I was greeted by bored stares and silence. No one here cared. And I suppose Jack and I aren't the first people they have had to draw naked.

Jack was seated on a stool, one ankle folded over his other knee. His hands grasped together in front him, leaning forward, staring down at me on the floor in front of him.

I was on my butt, one leg bent up, the other straight out in front of me. My arms were folded across by bent leg and my head rested on them, looking up at Jack.

The whole thing felt so scripted as Mrs. Edwards moved our limps around for us and told us exactly how to sit. When she was finished molding her live mannequins, I was thankful she had me staring at Jack and him staring back. It gave me something to focus on other than the draft I felt against my whole body.

Jack and I sat for an hour, just staring at each other, not moving anything but our eyes. His scanned my body, and seared into every inch of flesh I had barred to the world.

The whole class was silent around us, all that could be heard was the scribbling of pencils and Mrs. Edwards as she walked around the class, quietly commenting on a students' artwork.

A "very good, Thomas." And a "I love the way you've drawn his buttocks, Samantha, very angular."

Jack winked at me, subtly, and I fought the urge to smile. We had strict instruction not to move. But I could tell he was proud of his angular buttocks.

"Wonderful curves of the breast, Joseph."

My face felt hot, and I could feel the creep of embarrassment across my body. Normally, I wouldn't care. Because no one could see it. But everyone could see it.

From over Jack's shoulder, I could see a boy smile, hearing the same compliment as I did but finding humor in it. Not humiliation.

By the end I think Jack and I could each draw each other from memory. Having silent conversations and studying every inch of each other for an hour. The hairs on his arms, the curve of my neck, the way his calf pressed against his thigh. Every note Mrs. Edward's made; our eyes drifted to that part of our bodies. Wondering how people saw that piece and decided that's what they chose to draw.

When Mrs. Edwards called the end of class, my body felt like stone. My joints were stiff and I had a fresh wave of nerves all over again. Like the parts people could see, I had allowed. But now, they were seeing all new parts. Moving parts.

Jack helped me slip on my robe and then put on his own. "Not so bad, right?" He asked.

I was about to answer when one of the students said,

"Hey, Emma right?" It was the same one that smiled at Mrs. Edward's breast comment. He held out an envelope to me. "I thought you might want this. I have one for my assignment and I had time to draw another."

Shocked, I took the envelope. "Thank you." I wanted so badly to peek inside, but didn't want a whole new wave of pink cheeks for him to see.

"Would you maybe wanna grab coffee sometime? I know that's a little forward considering I just drew you naked for an hour but, I don't know, I thought I would give it a shot." He grinned a lopsided grin and I practically swooned. My view from twenty feet away did not do him justice.

"I feel like I have a disadvantage here, because you know my name and have seen me naked." I smile and look up from under my lashes, rotating the envelope in my hands.

"Alec." His smile got brighter and my knees got weaker. Alec's bright blue eyes seeped into mine, his short black hair looks edgy and there were giant green earrings in his ears, ones I could put my finger through.

"Alec." I said testing it out on my tongue. "When did you have in mind?" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Are you free tomorrow? One?"

"Yeah, I can be." I gave Alec my number and we picked a place near campus that we could meet at.

I caught up with Jack at the door where he was chatting up another art student. Clearly laying on the moves, she slipped him an envelope like the one Alec gave me but his had a number written on it in pink sharpie.

"I am so glad we did this." He grinned, throwing his arm around my shoulder as we left the professor's office.

"Me too." I tossed my arm around his waist.

"Yeah?" He sounded surprised.

"Yeah. I know I'm a wimp at first but I appreciate you pushing me to do these things you plan for us. I should know better by now than to be worried because your always right. I always end up loving whatever it is. Cliff jumping, skydiving, naked painting. It's all been amazing." I lean my back against the car and he puts an arm on the door, caging me in.

"I'm glad you're having a good time. I know I've been asking a lot but we made promises to each other when we started this thing and I'm glad I could hold up my end of the bargain."

"Speaking of which." I felt a sudden gush of confidence after the class and I wanted to ask my question before I lost my nerve. "I know I've asked a lot of you this summer, you know, coming with me, running away from home, the whole transform me into a better me thing-"

"Out with it, Miss Maddie." He laughs, shaking his head. "You've given me just as much this summer, I hope you know that this," He gestures between the two of us. "Isn't one sided."

"Well, you might not feel that way after I ask."

"Stop biting you nails," He swats at my hand, nailbed caught between my teeth. "What is it Maddie, you're freaking me out. Do you want to go home or something?"

"No, I want you to take my virginity. Or, have it? Like I'm giving it to you as a present? Is it a gift? It sure doesn't feel like one-"

"Stop. What? Why?" His arm drops from the side of the car and crosses over his chest with the other, defensively.

"I'm still a virgin, obviously. And I don't want it hanging over me like unfinished business and I certainly don't want it when I go off to college because I know I won't want to give it to anyone there which means I'll graduate college with it. Then I'll be some sad, thirty-year-old virgin. Besides I would rather lose it, well I know where it will be, it's not lost, but give it to someone I trust and someone I know. And I know and trust you, Jack." I take a deep breath.

"Don't you want it to be with someone special?" He looks confused, not upset. I'll take that as a good sign.

"You don't think you're special?" I smile, teasingly.

"Special to you, Maddie." He rolls his eyes. He's moved from in front of me to leaning against the car beside me.

"You are special to me. People make virginity into this crazy expectation that it has to be with someone you're in love with but can't it just be someone I care about? Someone that cares about me?"

"I do care about you but- "

"But?" I try to hide the hurt from my face. I knew he might say no, expected it actually. But I didn't expect to be hurt by his denial. Of course, he can say no, he should. What I'm suggesting could break our short-term friendship into a million little pieces. He doesn't even know me that well, and I barely know him either.

"But it should be special. You deserve that."

"You can make it special if you want. But if you're saying yes- Are you saying yes?" I ask hopeful. But inside me, I don't know which side I'm hoping for. His sensible side that will tell me no, I'm crazy or his reckless side that will tell me yes, I'm crazy.

"Yes." He laughs and I want to rejoice in that laugh.

"Great! Then make it special if you want, but can you make it snappy?" I tease. "I don't have all summer."