Anxiety

Rock Bottom

I hope I've reached rock bottom now. By that I mean I hope this is the worst I'll get becuase I can't afford to get any worse than I have. Education has stopped again (home school, the one that is better than home hospital I think I mentioned earlier but the teacher is called Hailey? Anyway moving on) and a guy called Sam had started coming round. I say had becuase he also has stopped becuase 3 weeks ago I went to my appointment with the community pediatrician about my weight which had continued to gradually drop due to things happening e.g. education, visits and all things that set my anxiety off. She was very worried and said she normally admits children to hospital who are 40 kilos, I was 36 but she said I can go home as long as I try and eat as much as I can and go on bed rest which I did. The problem was I had another appointment at the end of that week at the hospital with the dietician to sort out nutrients drinks. Skip the two weeks after that (to last Thursday it's Tuesday today btw) a nurse wanted to come to check my heart rate etc by the end (AFTER SHE PRICKED MY THUMB, I HAVE A NEEDLE AND BLOOD PHOBIA BY THE WAY) she said my bp was low? Sorry I'm not the best with medical terms but anyway she sent me to hospital (I also fear anything medical which was why I wasn't sent in earlier) where they checked blood pressure and all that INCLUDING A BLOOD TEST MIGHT I ADD!! Oh and also the nurse thought I could have a heart attack and kept trying to calm my panic attack becuase she thought it'd put me more at risk when actually her trying to calm me was failing miserably. They kept me in overnight so I ended up having a 24hr anxiety wonky time and an all nighter so I'm exhausted right now. At lunchtime the next day they said I could leave since I wasn't going to eat there and so now I've started eating more calories and having those nutrients drinks and looking into what has the most nutrients and calories (any suggestions welcome) so hopefully I will start getting better now (I wasn't going to have a heart attack I was better than they thought but it's still serious considering I'm 15 and weigh 35kilos and the nurses son weighs 72 kilos and he's 8 years old). All of this probably makes no sense but that is becuase this is where I rant and try and help you by ranting but also I can't be bothered to 're read and edit this so yeah. I hope your all doing ok and if you ever want to talk I'm still on bed rest and need a distraction and someone to talk to (don't take me seriously I'm not forcing to to talk to me I'm just always on here on Tumblr my username on Tumblr is @ hstoria  btw if you want to chat on there since that's where I am mainly at the moment. Now I'm rambling so until next time or someone Dms me 👋