Strive

Chapter 3 - Day 1174

Day 1174

JUSTIN’S POV

            I held her head in my lap, rubbing her heating forehead with my thumb.. “Shhhh.” I soothed, trying my best to stay calm. “Go to sleep.” I hummed, closing my eyes. Without speaking, Sarah shook her head in my lap and let out a small squeak. “If you want to get better you have to sleep.” I informed her. The previous night, Sarah had begin to feel sick. It started out small, but since then it’d grown. Her thin body was shaking and her teeth were chattering, but her head was on fire. No mater how much I tried to warm her and help her sleep, she just couldn’t. Her stubbornness was also causing problems. She refused to admit that she wasn’t feeling well, so I practically had to force my help on her. Luckily, I’d convince her to try to rest, but that was about all I could do. After all, what did I know about helping a sick child? Her body jolted up and she began to cough uncontrollably. It was the sort of cough where I just had to cringe imagining the pain each one must have brought. When she’d finished, she fell back onto my lap with a pained look on her face. I wanted to do something to help her, I really did… I just didn’t know what. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled, looking down at her shaking body. She looked so small and vulnerable. It was awful.

            I felt her move on my lap, causing me to lose my train of thought. “Why?” Sarah asked, looking up at me with her big brown eyes half closed from exhaustion.

            I took her hand and began to tap her palm with my thumb. I just couldn’t get the words out. A confused, yet sad look grew on her face as I tapped. “It’s not your fault.” She assured me, though I didn’t quite believe her. “Everyone gets sick once in a while. It’s just something that happens.” Yeah but there’s usually someone there to help…

            “But it is my fault.” I tapped. “I promised that we’d leave right away, but it’s been 3 years, Sarah. 3 years! And because I couldn’t live up to my promise you’re sick and I don’t know how to help you. I just don’t. I’m so sorry Sarah.” My tapping quickened until the point that I wasn’t even sure if Sarah could understand me anymore.

            She eventually wrapped her other hand over mine and just held it, not allowing either of us to tap. “Shhh.” She purred lightly. “I’ll be fine.”

            She closed her eyes and began to fall asleep. Thank god. Her breathing slowed to a calming pace and her body stopped shaking. I could even tell her fever was going down. Through her sleep, her small hands remained cupping mine. I eventually picked her up and carried her over to her small bed, which was really nothing more than a cheap mattress and a Hello Kitty blanket. I look of disappointment and a hint of fear flashed over her face as I placed her down. It hurt to see fear so easily placed into her mind. It reminded me that her innocence was faded. I liked to believe that it remained because along with her innocence it carried hope. The hope we’d had when I first promised that we’d leave the hope for freedom. And the fact that it was becoming dimmer and dimmer scared me more than Daddy ever could.

            As I turned to walk away, I heard a small whimper behind me then a rustle. Sarah was shaking again and clutching the cheap mattress fearfully with a desperate look on her sleeping face. She mumbled something, but I wasn’t listening. There was no need to. I walked back lightly, carful not to wake her, and lied down on the cold floor beside her bed. Outstretching my hand, I took hers and began to tap a lullaby. As soon as it began, the shaking stopped and her desperate look faded into a peaceful resting look. I could help, but smile as she did the same. At least then I knew that I was doing something right. Though I knew I could never sleep, I closed my eyes and hoped for the best.