Laughing On The Outside

Chapter 4

  You thought about it in depth. You decided against it but it didn't take long for you to change your mind. You didn't know why you bothered considering it in the first place. But surrounded and eventually consumed by guilt, there you were, sitting at one of the tables, patiently waiting for Arthur to appear. You hadn't told him you were coming, after all, it was a last-minute decision. You couldn't understand yourself, you owed the man nothing and the fact that he was technically a criminal didn't actually make things better.

  But you somehow saw good in him, you were sorry and wanted to do even the smallest of things to make him feel less miserable. You didn't need an analytical explanation, Arthur was suffering both physically and mentally and it was obvious. Did he deserve to finally be able to genuinely smile? You couldn't say for sure, crime is a crime. But what if that lack of smile was what led him to murder in the first place? The more questions started to appear in your head, the more drawn you felt. To him and his secretive way of life. It was a dangerous and dark path, a difficult route to take, a thin line you were about to cross.

  But you always tried to see the good, the bright side of people. And you knew that Arthur, the real one, was somewhere hidden behind all this pain and suppression. You were already getting involved in something way bigger than you that could actually drown you but at that moment, you couldn't see it clearly. All you wanted was to help. You let yourself give in the moment you had stepped into that comedy club.

 What you were unaware of was that from then on, there was no going back. No alternative routes. Just one dark path that you were willing to take in order to show Arthur that he was better than all this, the crimes, the depression. You didn't know the details of his life but you wanted to, the possibilities of you being affected by being close and talking to him were high, but it didn't matter.

  You finally had the chance to do something good, there was no way you were throwing it away.

  Was laughing Arthur's coping mechanism with stress? Because not long after he'd stepped foot on stage, his laugher prevented him from forming proper sentences. It was awkward, the way his hysterical voice echoed in the silent room, you couldn't even imagine what thoughts were flooding his mind. Arthur was looking all over the place and it was not that hard to see and recognize faces, especially when on stage. It didn't take long for him to lock eyes with you. And in just a few seconds, he grew quiet as if he had just flipped some kind of mental switch. You offered him a weak smile as he finally pulled himself together and went on with his show.

  You didn't know how to act around him, you hadn't had a proper conversation yet but still, people pull on so many faces depending on who they're talking to. A mother will put on her mother face when with her kids, her wife face when she's with her husband and her daughter one when it comes to her parents. Roles! People play so many roles daily yet they never really care enough to acknowledge it. With Arthur, you were unable to find the appropriate face, the right role, a suiting one. You were not friends and hell, he had killed people without having second thoughts. If you were a doctor, you'd definitely slap the patient label on his head but now the situation was complicated enough to give you a headache.

  His jokes didn't find you opposed, if anything, some of them were way too smart for the dull audience, even funny. But the majority of these jokes were dark, associated with death and how unfair this world is. And the weight his words had, ut felt like as if a rock was suddenly thrown on your shoulders. You weren't in his place but his pain and sense of social injustice reached you easily. You didn't even bother to look at the reactions of others, you were focused on him.

  When the show was over, you left as quickly as you could, in need of some fresh air. All the hidden melancholy, it was too much for you to handle. The night seemed to help, you took a few deep breaths as you closed your eyes, trying to process what you'd heard. And you were ready to live, you'd done your part and stayed just like he'd asked, you just wanted to get away and use some time alone. You really need it.

  But then you saw him, Arthur, pushing the glass doors open as he ran to you, his expression confused.

  "You came..."

  Yes, even you were surprised yourself. You were slowly breaking down the walls you'd been building and it didn't take much time at all.

  "I did. You were really good, Arthur, thank you for inviting me tonight..." And that was no lie.

  "Are you going home?" He asked and you immediately knew what he was gonna ask. Curious to know more about him, even though you shouldn't, you decided to go along.

  "Yes."

  "Me too... Mind if I joined you?"

  "No, not at all..."