Laughing On The Outside

Chapter 8

  You decided to focus on your job. You actually asked to work some extra time, to keep your mind occupied. Vicki was worried about you and didn't even try to hide it and her treating you like a child was starting to get on your nerves. You had skillfully managed to avoid her questions and concerned looks, maybe the time you'd spent with Arthur wasn't a total waste.

  You were trying to convince yourself that you didn't care about Arthur, that you didn't care about where he was, if he was looking for a new job, if he was eating, if he'd killed again. But who were you fooling? You were dying to know, the time you'd spent together meant more to you than you thought. You couldn't just erase it and move on, you could never. And you hated it, you hated your brain for causing you to miss him. What was wrong with you? You'd told yourself that you'd try to move on, you'd done your part and it didn't matter if things ended without success. But there you were, wanting to knock on his door, see how he's been doing...

  You'd never seen Murray's show and when you'd tell that to others, you'd always get weird looks. Apparently, it was quite famous among literally everyone. And you'd sit in front of your TV and watch it if you had the time. But working at the Gotham Gazette required watchfulness and constant availability. Your TV was barely on, the news would literally pass from your hands, anyway, what more was there to know?

  Vicki loved doctor Sally, she was an intelligent woman with a sense of humor that was admirable enough for Murray Franklin to invite her to his show. Vicki insisted you joined her, not as coworkers but as friends. Indeed, it had been a while since you spent time together besides work. Plus, it was a good opportunity for you to finally see why so many men and women, children and adults were freaking out over this show.

  Looking back, you wished you'd just stayed home.

  Everything seemed to be going well. The older man was a decent host, you sometimes found his comments too invasive and nosy, but Vicki's smile was enough to make you smile too. You'd almost forgotten how it felt to hang out with normal people, maybe just people.

  And then it happened. The beginning of the end started without you noticing. The universe hated you, maybe that was the case. What had you done wrong? You'd always tried to measure things and not exceed any limits. What the hell did you do wrong for luck to punish you like that?

  "Now, before he comes out, I just want to say, that we're all heartbroken about what's going on in the city tonight, but this is how he wanted to come out. Now, honestly, I think we could all use a good laugh. So, please welcome Joker!"

  Refreshed, yes, maybe that was the word. Showered by applause and shouts, embraced by light, he walked out with so much confidence, you barely recognized him. His makeup was beautiful, he seemed like he was actually taking the whole things seriously. And his smile, it was the biggest one you'd ever seen, he was absolutely elated. A narcissist, you concluded, he enjoyed the spotlight, it felt as if he was feeding and living off of it. That was not the Arthur you'd met. That was indeed Joker. And you weren't laughing at all.

  "Are you alright? Are you dizzy, do you want some water?"

  "I'm fine, this is just stupid, that's all..."

  "I don't know, I actually find him interesting. He must be used to charming all the ladies..."

  You just rolled your eyes, trying not to think about it too much. So what, he was Murray's guest...He was probably going to perform and leave. So what, he didn't tell you about it. It wasn't like you had a close relationship. Besides, you'd ended it. So fucking what?

  "Well, that was quite an entrance..." Arthur sat down on the couch, staring at the audience. The lump in your throat was getting bigger and bigger, you just hoped it would end soon, Murray's intentions weren't the best and you knew it. Arthur had told you about him, he'd cried when he saw Murray that night on TV, he'd made fun of him and it was embarrassing. You felt sorry for Arthur, his celebrity idol speaking like that about him...What you couldn't understand was why he'd accepted to go there in the first place. Something was not clicking. Could it possibly be his idea?