Quiet Backstage: A Series of Lippa Oneshots

I Need To Go Home

savi_rose22

It was 10:45 p.m. when Lin called me over the phone, sobbing, barely being able to catch his own breaths before he took another.

It was about 11:00 p.m. when I told Lin to stay right where he was, not to do anything stupid, and that I'd be over in five.

I was. I walked briskly though the cold streets of Manhattan, crossing Julliard's campus to get to Lin's dorm.

"Lin?" I called, my concern growing as I realized the door was unlocked. I slowly walked into his apartment, looking around, freezing as I heard coughing from the other side of his bathroom door. "Lin!" I called, now frantically.

I pushed open the door and immediately jumped to sit by him on his bed. I couldn't understand his sputtering through his tears.

"Lin, you need to breathe." I coaxed, knowing it'd be next to no use. "Honey, Honey..." I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my heart, hoping that feeling the steady beating of my heart would bring him back down to Earth.

"I-I'm done doing this alone." Lin admitted once his breaths steadied and his tears subsided for now.

"You don't have to do any of this alone." I kissed his lips gently.

I knew that Lin had been a little off kilter since the announcement of his father's death. And of course he wasn't, no sane person would be.

Yet the issue here would be that Lin had known for weeks now, and had yet to go home. He'd buried his feelings away, like any insane performer would, and went to class, rehearsed his pieces, continued on like nothing happened.

He'd only fall apart late at night, out of his roommate's earshot, where nobody would hear him.

I only found out about all this when Lin fell asleep against my shoulder in a rehearsal, and woke up in tears almost immediately. And that was only a week ago.

I held Lin tightly in my arms, coaxing sweet nothings into his ear as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Honey, I think you need to go home." I whispered.

Lin looked up from my shoulder, panic immediately creasing his face. "Absolutely not! The show is 60% of our grade!"

"And your physical and mental health is 100% of your life!" I watched as he stood up from his bed, beginning to pace his room.

"Pippa, I gotta pass these classes to graduate!" He borderline shouted.

"And you have to go mourn with your family! You can't just push all of this away!" I exclaimed. "Your family needs you right now, Lin. You can't act like this doesn't matter."

"I never said it doesn't matter!"

"That's how you're acting, Lin. It's killing me to see you like this!" I lowered my tone.

Lin stopped his pacing, and I froze, worried about what was going to happen.

"I need to go rehearse." He stated, immediately grabbing a coat.

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"Studios open until midnight, right? I...that's forty five minutes."

"Lin, you're insane, come here." I pulled him back into a tight hug. "You gotta go home." I coaxed.

He was sick. He was so sick and run down, exhausted. He'd been crying and probably doing unspeakable things when doors were locked late at night. He was terrified and worn down.

"Let me stay with you tonight, you need to stay safe." I told him.

Lin didn't respond, the room falling silent for a few moments. I could hear him catch his breath.

"I need to go home." Lin mumbled, tears still slipping past his eyelashes.