The Cheating game

Healing

4 weeks later
*Alicia*
"That's great work Alicia.. you should be really proud of yourself.. you have come very far". My main therapist Hella tells me after another long talk.

I can't help smiling at her. "I am.. and I no longer feel bad about being it.. thanks to you and the others here.. so thanks".

"Oh sweetie it's a pleasure.. truly". She smiles warmly at me. "Better hurry before they take lunch of the table.. both mind and body needs to stay healthy".

"It sure does.. see you tomorrow". I hurry towards the door, there is no way I am going to miss out on lunch.. the food here is delicious.

I walk into the dining room, greeting the other people there, before going to pick up my food, thanking our sweet chef Magda, telling her it looks amazing as always. Then I sit down by the window and eat.. I like looking outside when I eat.

To be honestly I love being here, it's like an oasis.. relaxed and calm.. I spend my days doing yoga, meditating and figuring out me. But it has also been immensely hard.. especially the first week, and I threatened to walk out several times, not wanting to look truth in the eyes.

I had to realise that I was not good.. I was anything but good.. I was bruised and hurt and I only kept making it worse. I needed to look back, at my childhood, at things I pretended I had forgotten, at the sexual abuse that had shaped me much more than I thought.. realising it made me seek out the wrong men.. made me accept things I shouldn't to make them like me.

But I have pushed through.. I have talked, I have forgiven and I have healed.. not completely, but enough that I can say 'never again'.. enough that I can say I put me first.. enough that I can say I love myself enough to be good to me.

I have missed my sister and I have missed Zac, but I have talked to both on the phone. Hopefully I am ready to leave soon, so I can see them again. Even though I am still not sure what I want to do, where to go when I leave.. that is one of the things I still need to find out.

When I am done eating I go to my small room.. it's nothing special.. but it is calm and I feel almost at home there. But I have only been in there five minutes when there is a knock on the door. "Yeah ?!"

"Hi again sweetie". Hella pokes her head in. "We thought you deserved something for all your work.. so.. there is a guest waiting for you on the back deck".

I feel butterflies erupt in my stomach, having a very clear feeling who it is and I almost run out there.. knowing a big smile spread on my face when I see him leaned on the railing. "Zac !"

"Hi darling.. don't you look absolutely radiant". His face lights up in one of those smiles and he hold out his arms.

I throw myself into his embrace, feeling how he lifts me of the ground, hugging me tightly. Suddenly the emotions of seeing him overwhelms me and I bury my face in his shoulder, trying to keep in the sob.

"Aww baby.. why are you upset". He gently puts me down, but keeps me in his arms, rubbing his hand in soft circles on my back.

"I am not.. just.. happy.. overwhelmed". I mumble against him. "I missed you so much".

I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head. "I missed you too.. it's so good to hear how great you are doing and to see how beautiful you look".

We just stand there for some time, close together and I realise how much I truly enjoy being close to him.. it is like I soak up his warmth.

"What do you say we go for a walk in the garden ?" He finally ask softly. "There is something I would like to talk to you about".

As it is a treatment center for women, Zac is not allowed inside.. only men allowed inside are the few employed here. I smile up at him. "Sure.. I'd love to".

We walk into the beautiful garden, along the small lake and Zac holds my hand in his, our fingers entangled. "So Alli.. have you thought about what you are going to do when you leave here ?"

"Thought about yeah.. decided no". I bite my lip. "Honestly it is not easy to .. decide".

"Well I surely hope this will make it easier.. not harder". His voice suddenly nervous. "I would love for you to.. move in with me.. like for real.. as a couple".

I stop and look at him, my heart palpitating like crazy. "You want me to move in.. for real ?"

"Yeah.. I love you and I am ready for this.. I am ready for us". He is holding his breath.

"Ohh Zac". I clamp a hand over my mouth.. he loves me.. he wants me for real this time. "I.. yes.. I'd love to.. I love you too.. so much".

He pulls me into his arm just holding me close and I bury myself into his broad chest, unable to keep my emotions under control. "Aww baby, don't cry".

"I am just so.. happy". This is what I dreamed of for years.. ever since we first met, but I just never dared hope or believe that it would ever happen.. my heart jumping for joy, going at last, at last.

"So am I darling.. so am I". He kisses the top of my head. "But stay till you feel completely ready.. I am waiting.. no matter how long.. you and me.. we are going to make it.. together".

I look up at him. "Together.. please kiss me Zac".

"There is nothing I would love more". His lips find mine in a soft but passionate kiss, that kinda makes me want to go home with him today.. but I know I need more healing.. but soon.. soon I will have my happily ever after.