Mindblown

Chapter Thirty-Eight

A/N: I genuinely have no excuses for not updating these past couple of weeks, so I'm really sorry guys :(

"Break a Little?" Avi glances up from the table at Kirstie.
     Her hand shoots out to grab her notebook, "Not for your eyes."
     "Wow, okay," he huffs, leaning back in his seat.
     "So are we going to talk? Are you going to apologise for up and leaving last night?" Her mouth is angrily pursed as she awaits his response.
     "Yes and no," he rests his linked hands on his stomach, on the dark grey denim shirt that covers it.
     "Yes and no, what the fuck?" She snaps jumping up to lean on the table her face inches from his, teeth bared.
     "What I did was wrong, I'll admit that, but it only happened because of the stupid thing you did. I'll apologise for running off, but I will not apologise for getting mad about the drugs," he calmly explains this despite Kirstie's threatening hovering.
     "I just need you to know that I'm not an addict, I don't do these drugs because I feel like I have to, like I need to, it's not that. I do them occasionally at parties, they're not always there and even if they are I don't always do them. And I have never ever bought drugs myself," she relaxes her stance enough to drop back into her seat.
     "But can I ask why, like why you need to at all?" Avi's hands are now clasped together, resting on the table.
     "I don't need to, but it's fun. If a party is dull it livens it up," she shrugs.
     "Yeah but couldn't you just use the slightly less dangerous option of alcohol?" He asks.
     "Isn't that addictive too?" She snarks.
     "Yeah, but less so, you don't get addicted to the substance, just the feeling," Avi explains. "Like I know alcohol's dangerous too, but it's not illegal. And the thought of you getting drunk isn't nearly as scary as the thought of you out there getting high. I know you say it's not all the time and I believe you, but how am I supposed to know? Like I'll always be worrying, are you okay? Am I worrying because you're out drinking or am I shitting myself with fear because you're out doing who knows what drug?"
     Kirstie is quiet while she processes Avi's words. "You'd really worry about me that much?"
     "Yeah," he says the word with the slightest chuckle, "Of course I do, I love you."
     She smiles, albeit rather sadly, "I love you too. And I hate that we fought over something so stupid."
     "No Kirstie, the fight was about the fact that you think it's stupid. I think it's a big deal and you don't, that's what makes me the most mad."
     "But why?"
     "Because drugs are a huge deal, the fact that you don't think so is what's stupid," he sighs with frustration.
     "Is there something more behind this?"
     "There shouldn't have to be Kirstie, drugs are bad."
     "But there is something, what is it?" Kirstie presses.
     Avi stays quiet, looking at the table.
     She speaks quietly, "Did you used to have a problem?"
     "No," he scoffs.
     "Then what, who?" She is concerned.
     "I don't want to talk about who okay. All you need to know is that it is one of the worst things in the world to watch. Someone you love throw their life away with this, this shit and you can't help them anymore and then you just don't even know."
     Kirstie reaches out as she can see how upset Avi is getting. She pulls his hands apart to hold one of his in each of hers. At first when he said 'someone you love,' she immediately thought an ex-girlfriend, but he is getting too upset for that. You don't have to be 'in love' with someone, you can just love them, but you can't help them if you don't know where they are. "Is that why Esther hates him?" Kirstie asks quietly.
     Avi takes a deep breath to hold back tears as Kirstie figures it out. "Yeah."
     "Why didn't you tell me?" Kirstie queries.
     "It's nothing personal, I don't like telling anyone," he mumbles. "The more people that know is the more likely the public find out."
     Kirstie tries not to sound defensive, "I won't tell anyone."
     "Good, that's... thank you."
     "But what happened?"
     He sighs, "It was a girl that he was dating, it had to be, he changed so much while he was dating her, she got him hooked. I remember during his breakdown when he said he never should have tried it the first time."
     Kirstie nods, "I understand. I'm sorry Avi, I won't do it again," she says and hopes it doesn't sound shallow because she means it, she would never want to do something that would make Avi this upset.
     "I'm not trying to be manipulative in telling you this Kirst," he pulls one of his hands back to press his palm to his eye with a sniff.
     "No I know baby, I know," she stands up so she can pull him into her arms and he gratefully wraps his around her.

A/N: So what did you guys think of that? Did you expect it to be Josh?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and again I'm sorry for the unnecessary delay. Nevertheless, please vote and comment, it makes my day :)

Hannah.