Deadly Infatuation

47 - A Fucking Goner

~Too Good To Say Goodbye- Bruno Mars~

The car ride starts off with a long and loud awkward silence. None of us knows what to say, and we both have so much to say to each other.

I decide to grow a pair and initiate the inevitable. Here goes... "Are you okay with us, discussing things now?" I can't help but add a little sass in my voice when I say that. I am kinda pissed, just a little bit. I watch as Taylor's jaw clenches and unclenches before he pulls over and stops the car.

Well then. Guess I'll be getting home a little later than usual.

"I'm sorry about how I spoke to you earlier, I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that," He starts off. "It's okay, I understand why you did it, but it would've been nice if you at least heard my side of the story before jumping to conclusions," I respond and Taylor sighs.

"So what happened that day?" He asks me. "After Jenny's funeral, I wanted to be alone for a bit, I excused myself and tried to find a vacant place in the church to chill in for a while, that's when I ran into Calum. We talked about what happened with Alex and stuff, I thought for a while that there was a possibility of us being cool again, he really had me going. When I was about to head back to my family he decided to kiss me, I was utterly flabbergasted and before I knew what was even happening, you saw it happen," I start off.

Taylor runs his hand through his blonde hair, a matter of habit, before looking away. And I can tell that he really is affected by what Calum did. Imagine if he knew what one of Alex's henchmen attempted to do. Not that it would change anything because the asshole is dead anyway, and good fucking riddance. At least he won't ever hurt another girl again.

My heart clenches at the memory of my nearly being raped. The main reason behind my nighmares. Damn it, not now. I always get emotional when I think about that, and I can't have Taylor see that.

"I would never do something like that to you Taylor, ever, and it really stung that you couldn't even stand the sight of me, like you thought of me as a backstabbing bitch or something-"
"I would never think that of you," Taylor cuts in.
"Then why did you avoid me, huh? Why did you ignore my calls and messages? Why?" I feel my voice crack.

"From where I was standing it looked like that kiss was consented, I'm sorry but that's what it felt like! I know I should've listened to your side of the story but I thought that the reason behind why you weren't acting normal around me anymore was because you and Calum were back together or some shit," Taylor says and I gasp at him.

"Why the hell would you think something like that?" I'm shocked at his words. Yes, I know I haven't been treating him right lately but it was because of the depression and nothing else. "I'm not stupid Tam, I've been paying attention to how you act lately," Taylor responds.

I feel a pang of guilt at his words. "And although you kept trying assure me that you were fine, I always knew you weren't. I know I'll never be able to understand the pain that Alex put you through, and all I ever wanted was for you to be honest with me, to tell me how you really feel, to let me in and even if I can't erase the suffering she's caused you, I wanted you to at least let me try to help you. But instead you shut me out. Ever since you got shot," Taylor pauses briefly and winces at the memory.

"Ever since you got shot, I wanted to help you feel better, because you died in that house, Tam," His voice cracks and my mouth goes dry at what he says. He's right. Everyone's been telling me that I'm not the same person anymore. How can I? When Alex took everything from me? She didn't succeed in taking my life but everything else is not the same anymore.

"And I'm not blaming you for that, I mean, you've been through the most and I hate myself for not being there to protect you when it happened-"
"Taylor, you can't possibly blame yourself for that," I tell him. "It wasn't your fault." Taylor shakes his head at me, not wanting to hear it.