How To Love ✓

34.

(Warm thanks to all for 1.93k reads in 2 months! Thank you for continuously reading and supporting me! Through you, I've created a family here! ♡)

Amara

It neared the end of the semester and came closer to Christmas time. My life was going so well that there were moments when I even forgot I had cancer and may have died at any moment.

Dissolving pain is scary and hard, and I never realised or accepted that it got easier with time. That is, until I started attending Stanford University and got to know so many incredible people, all of whom have had a big impact on my overall well-being. I was terrified that accepting people into my life would have a bad effect on them because they could suffer if I passed away.

All I needed was someone; or people, to keep me grounded, to have and feel supported, loved, and to generally keep me sane.

More and more I resonated about my life and how much Lucien and I had in common. He bounced off exhilaration, euphoria, ecstasy, joy, love, empathy, gratitude, inspiration onto me, and so much more feelings I never knew I could have possessed. He was the definition of change for me, and inspired me to be better, to do more with my life, to follow my dreams, to be passionate, to do all those things I never planned on doing on my own. He taught me about life by simply living his own.

We were imperfectly perfect; together and as two unique individuals, both learning about love at our own pace. Never failing to fuel inspiration within each other.

I decided to take a trip to visit my hometown and admire the effort my parents put out to decorate every inch that they owned on their property. When I say Luke and my mom goes all out for Christmas, I do mean it. They say it's to give me the best Christmas I can have each year, knowing any day can be my last. Not because of my cancer failing me, but because no day was promised.

I phoned home before leaving to ensure that they were going to be there and texted Syl, who was at work, to let her know that I would have been back by the end of the day. I wanted to leave early so I can at least spend the day with them and get back before curfew, so I took a few early buses to my destination seeing as it's a risk for me to be behind the wheel. Someday I'd like to put my driving skills to the test, but for now Dr. Campbelle instructed that I shouldn't drive.

Now, I sat in the backyard sitting on the lawn next to Cotton who was busy munching on my mom's gingerbread man shaped cookies and sipping on her famous homemade grape wine she makes only around the Christmas holiday season. I laughed quietly to myself as I inspected the Christmas jumper she had crocheted for him three years ago. He spotted me looking at him and wiped the crumbs that covered his chin, assuming I was laughing at that.

"It's the sweater I'm laughing at crazy head," I joked, pulling at the loose string at the hem. It had been 3 years, and he still expected it to fit perfectly. Now, it just fit him snug with parts slowly showing holes here and there.

"Didn't she knit you one for this Christmas?"

He downed the last of the wine and dusts himself off. "Sure, but this is my favourite one."

I arched an eyebrow. "What's so special about it? Is it because of the gold beads?"

He rolled his eyes. "Well if you already know the answer, why ask the question?"

"Well it was just a good guess Cotton. And now you expect me to know why bald people working in a restaurant still need to wear hairnets."

He also arched his eyebrows, staring up at the cloudy sky in thought. "Well actually I would expect you to know the answer for that because you are a highly intellectual person. However, the last part was kind of random and... a bit weird."