𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐀; 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲

stay frosty royal milk tea

the sun was sinking beneath the windows outside, the sun shining on his face steve sitting on the other side of my bed, his smile beautiful, he looks up at me confused

 “why were you staring at me buck?” 

“no-no reason stevie” i stutter back to him

he tilts his head at me and smiles “okay buck”, he looks to my bedside clock and looks back to me with a sad expression “oh crap, i’m gonna have to get going soon, got a date with sharon” he says sadly 

“um yeah, okay” i say to him. in all honesty i had forgotten he had a date today, he probably would have too if he hadn’t checked the time, i wouldn’t be complaining though, he would just end up blaming himself for not going and forgetting and then i would feel bad like I always end up doing.

“when are you supposed to be there?” i speak up 

“in an hour,” he says putting his art stuff into his bag putting it over his shoulder and standing

I sighed trying to hide my disappointment of him leaving before speaking againing “i guess you you should get going then?” 

“yeah” he looks at me smiling fuck’ he’s gonna kill me if he keeps doing that “i’ll see you tommrow though?” he asked my eyebrow raised

“of course you will dumbass” i smile laughing at him, of course I'll see him tomorrow, always do..

“okay, bucky i’ll see you then” he smiles at me leaving my room, after a while I heard the front door open then close back 

I sigh as I laid down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling thinkging to myself, ‘of course i wouldn’t conplain about him not going on a stupid date, because i’m a selfish asshole who wouldn’t care, i, just got to burry my feelings for him, and just let him be happy with sharon’  i groan setting up putting my face into my hands.

“that about steve?” i jump at the sound of rebecca's voice, not  moving my face from my hands i shake my head 

“no” i say it coming out muffled 
she comes from her place at my doorway, sitting beside me on the bed putting her hand on my back before speaking “you know you can tell me anything right?”

I lift my head from my hands looking at her, nodding “yeah i know” 

“then tell me, i’m here to listen to whatever it is going on, I always am”

“yeah” i say sighing looking down at my feet, “it’s about steve”

“yeah kinda got that part.. what about steve though”

i take in a breath before speaking “i- i uh like him.. and i mean i like him more than what we have right now, more than friends?” 

becca smiles at me before mumbling something I couldn't hear

“what?”

“nothing” she continues smiling 

“your smiling is scaring me, what is it?”

she laughs at me “i just knew you did.. i knew you like steve i mean it’s kinda obvious”

‘oh shit it is’ my mind is racing 

“It- it is?” i ask her as i feel my face heating up

she smiles at me softly “yeah” she speaks “obviously not to him though”

“yeah” i laugh quietly 

we just sit there for a minute in silence before becca breaks it “you should at least tell him how you feel” she speaks “and yes i know he’s seeing sharon or whoever, but you should at least tell him, because who knows? he probably has felt something for you, he probably still does, and you’ll never know if you never tell him”

i  look at her “yeah? and if i do tell him and he doesn’t feel the same and never has, he would probably hate me for telling him, and it would ruin what we already have, i can’t risk that”

“if he would hate you after you tell him something like that, he doesn’t deserve you as a friend” she tells me “besides i doubt he’ll hate you, but again you’ll never know if you don’t tell him” she sighs
 
i look at my hands and then back to her letting out a breath i didn’t know i was holding in before i spoke “fine.. i-i’ll  tell him, i’ll him tomorrow when we see each other alright?” 

“do whatever you want buck, but if you go through with it i hope all goes well for you”

i sighed “yeah” 

she got up from the bed making her way out of my room before turning back and saying “i love you buck, okay?”

I smiled at her “i know, i love you too becca” 

she smiled back, turning around leaving my room and leaving me alone 

i lay back down on my bed mind 'tomorrow was going to be a long day’ i think before i doze off into nothingness.

~~~

i wake up some time later I groan checking my bedside clock for the time “3 am” i whisper to myself, i sit myself up yawning, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, i take my phone checking seeing i have several missing message from steve, concerned i unlocked my phone checking them 

steve: hey bucky, just getting home from my date. 

steve: it went well 

steve: but i don't want to bore you with details 

steve: we still meeting up tomorrow? 

steve: buck you there? 

steve: just now realizing you're probably asleep and not just ignoring me 

steve: sorry i'll let you sleep. 

steve: just message back when you wake up. 

steve: good night buck 

i smile looking down at my phone at the texts before i messaged him back 

bucky: yeah, i was asleep but you're totally fine stevie 

bucky: and you could never bore me, about anything, we can talk about it tomorrow.. 

bucky: and i got something important to tell you. 

i sighed locking my phone and putting it back on the desk before laying back down 

“yeah tomorrow” 'today' “i'll finally tell you” i say out loud like i'm speaking to someone, but i just trying to tell myself what i'm gonna do in a matter of hours when I meet up with steve 

not wanting to die of sleep deprivation, i try and get back to sleep closing my eyes not able to get what could happen in the next couple hours out of my head, i then fall into an uncomfortable sleep.