In My Life (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 17.

I woke up to the sound of sirens. Someone holding my hand, their head resting on my chest. My eyes fluttered open to see John sniffling. I squeezed his hand and watched as he sat up, wiping his eyes.

I didn't make a sound. I couldn't even speak. All I did was burst out crying. He wiped my tears and stroked the side of my face.

"Shhh. Lucy please don't cry."

Then I realised I was on a gurney, being wheeled out of the ambulance, into the hospital. The lights were too bright for my red, swollen eyes. I shut them immediatly. My head throbbing in a horrific pain. I couldn't breath as my mouth was forced open. A tube shoved down my throat as I gagged. The disgusting liquid making its way into my stomach. It all coming back up as my body was turned to the side, puking my guts out.

I looked up to see John watching me from behind the curtain. A hurt, devastated look on his face. My eyes meeting his. I'm sorry. I said with just a simple look. He already lost a son. He doesn't need to lose me either.

..

Two Days Later

December 31, 1975
New Years Eve

John stayed by my side the entire time I was in the hospital. I never spoke. I refused to eat. I just couldn't be bothered with anything. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with my baby again. Hold him in my arms, kiss his cheek, feel his warm body against mine while we cuddled in bed.

"Lucy please, look at me." John said holding my hand. I sniffled and looked at him. I must have looked terrible. I cried most of the time and I rarely slept. "I lost a son too ye know. But ye don't see me bein a total recluse and ignoring those who reach out to me. I know it hurts Lucy. But ye gotta be strong."

I bit my lip and shook my head. "That little boy was the love of my life. For years, I put up with breakups, cheaters, liars...but this. I can't get over. I raised him. He was in my stomach for nine months, I changed his diapers, I saw him crawl, speak his first word, I took him to school everyday, read to him every night....and at the end of the day, those simple three words he said, was my reward in life. Now, he's not here anymore. I just...I need time John. I'm sorry if I'm not jumping up and down and going to parties to celebrate a new year...knowing my son will no longer be a part of it. To make new memories....I just..."

John stood up and motioned for me to scoot over. I did so, and was pulled against his chest as he layed beside me. I never felt so terrible in my whole life.

"Why is everyone taken from me?? My dad, my mom and step dad, Stuart, Brian...now my own son. Who's next?? You??" I said between sobs.

"Shhh come now love. All ye can do is move on. I know it hurts. And yes, you do deserve time to grieve. But...You have to just deal with it. James wouldn't want ye to be harming yourself. Neither does Julian. He's worried about you. He blames himself for James's death."

I looked up at him. "Where is he?" I asked.

"He's at home with Yoko and Sean. Lucy I...I want ye to move to New York. Take some time off work. I trust ye but...I also know the pain you're feeling. I want ye around me. Just so I can check up on ye and know you're alright."

I sighed. "I'll think about it. I love you so much John. I'm not as strong as I thought."

"It's alright love. Just please promise me, you wont do anything rash."

I nodded. "I promise John."

..

I was discharged from the hospital New Years day. John helped me back to my apartment and to my surprise, had things packed. All of James's things packed as well. I told him I had to go down to my office and tell Andrew I was going to be taking a break.

John made sure I ate breakfast before I left. I kissed him goodbye and made my way to my car. I had to admit, knowing John was taking care of me made me feel a lot better.

I drove down to my office, and to my dismay, once I walked in...I was met with stares and whispers. When I got out of the elevator, I softly knocked on Andrew's office door. With a simple come in, I made my appearance.

"Lucy..." Andrew stood up and wrapped me into his arms. I've been getting this reaction from everyone lately. But I had to be honest, coming from Andrew, It meant the world to me. I hugged him tight.

"It feels so good to see you." I said.

"I'm so sorry Lucy. I just...I can't believe it."

I nodded. "Me either. Look, I came here to tell you, I'm taking some time off. Just until the magazine moves to New York."

"I was just about to suggest that." He chuckled. I smiled.

"You know me better than I thought. Thank you for understanding." I said kissing his cheek.

"Of course Luce. I love you. And erm, here."

He walked over, grabbing something out of his desk and handing it to me. I looked at him and back down, opening the envelope. My mouth dropped open to see a check. The amount? Thirty-five thousand dollars.

"A...Andrew where..how...why??" I said breathlessly. He leaned against his desk and crossed his arms.

"It doesn't matter how I got it, but..."

"You were gambling again werent you Stephens??" I smiled. He shrugged.

"Maybe. Look, I won quite a bit and...I think you could use the money more than me. Especially right now. I love you."

I leaned over and pressed my lips on his. He kissed me softly and pulled away.

"Thank you so much Andrew. I owe you everything. I really do."

He smiled. "Please promise me we'll keep in touch."

I nodded. "Of course."

..

After I grabbed my personal things from work, I made my way back to my car, driving back to my place. John was waiting for me, reading the paper on the sofa. I sat next to him and sighed.

"I know this won't be easy for me. But, I'm willing to start over. James will always be in my heart. But, I want Julian to live with me still."

He nodded and kissed my cheek. "Alright Luce. Come on, our flight is at two."

..

We landed in New York later that evening. I was excited to be moving back to Brooklyn. John bought me a small house in a fairly decent neighborhood. I couldn't thank him enough. Julian was happy to see me. I was happy to see him. Although we both knew, that pain was still there.

I set James's things into a hallway closet, for safe keeping. The house was pretty nice inside. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a wide living room and fairly big kitchen. The front yard was covered in grass, a white fence surrounding the home. The back yard was bigger. I loved it. John really knew how to spoil me sometimes. Right now, I needed it.

..

Three Days Later

I walked out of the doctors office, speechless and still trying to take in what the doctor just told me. I stopped in front of Jules, taking a deep breath.

"What's wrong mum?? Are ye okay??"

I nodded. "I'm perfectly fine. I'm just...pregnant."

......