Making up for Spelling Bees

So•ber

/ˈsōbər/

adjective
    1    not affected by alcohol; not drunk.

Should've drunk more,
Because I'm pretty sure waking up is suppose to hurt less.

I did my best I guess
Fought off the dread and....
I would say the sun but I'm pretty sure its Five in the morning and the sun still hasn't gotten up yet.

Looking at the clock on my wall not only trying to figure out if I have to work today
but, how many shots did I had last night , and how many I have left in me to get me out of bed.

Knowing my body was just as dead as my father's brain cell trying to grab the last few puffs of O2 before he goes on to...
Whatever is next.

I pushed the bottle of Jack away from me, not wanting to have my body turned into that paper machete that nieces make on weekends at church.

Soooo beautiful yet so
disfigured.....discarded.....disappointing
Specially when it was winning a race no one was running.
Specially when the only person ahead of you is the bottom .

Moving ever so slightly to keep you going just enough to get you to the next glass.

Sometimes it's not even the bottom that gets you .

It's the rock
Continuously hitting you
Over the head
Making sure problems are hammered into your very soul .
Trying to go blow for blow only digs a bigger whole.

But I'm Escaping right!?
If only for the second I bought with my 5 dollars I borrowed from my ex.
If only to silence the noise just to hope to walk past the storm.

If only to drown my sorrows under an ocean of unpredictable and uncertainty
Just to not know for once in my life is a blessing in it of itself.

Let me escape this madness
Let me go for a second or two will do
Coming back here is just torture
Water bored me if you must but don't leave me here.
I can't handle the thoughts you're giving me .

I just wanna forget that I got bills to pay, mouths to feed, crowds to please, eyes to read.
This is torture let me go
I don't want to regret nothing in the morning just give me the bottle
I'll find the bottom
Just let me be, I want to learn how to swim anyway or sink trying.
I hate being /ˈsōbər/