Toxic Thoughts || Lumark/Markhei

N I N E

Trigger Warning.

2:30 AM

Is it selfish to feel this way? To feel totally worthless when you're not. To feel like nothing. Tears continue to fall down his cheeks. The voices echo in his head, repeating foul words at him. He didn't want to hear anything anymore, but he didn't know how to make it stop.

"You could kill yourself.." One voice suggests. "No! Don't! People will think lowly of you. And you'll just cause even more trouble for your family!" The other voice yells.

Mark didn't know who to listen to. The voices continued to argue, discussing if whether or not should kill himself. "Do I even want to die?" He questioned himself. No one replied not even the harsh voices.

It's finally quiet for a bit. Mark takes this time to step on the scale in his room. He mentally crossed his fingers hoping for a small number 110 pounds. Mark frowned in disapproval, immediately feeling disgusted with himself.

He gained weight like ten pounds. The thought made his head spin. He sat on the floor, his chest clenching all too tight. Mark tried to control his breathing, but nothing worked. Not breathing exercises. Not thinking of somewhere peaceful. Nothing.

Fat

Fat

Fat!

The word echoed in his head. "Please stop," he mutters, laying down. They continued mocking his meaty body. He felt sick remembering the meal he had eaten earlier.

Mark quickly rushes to the bathroom that was in his room. He hastily shoves his fingers down his throat, trying to get anything out. Tear pricked at his eyes, making them burn.

A knock on the door interrupts him. "Mark sweetie are you alright? You keep making noise," The voice of his mother spoke. Mark took his fingers out of his mouth. "I'm fine!" Mark yells back.

His mother doesn't reply just leaving back to her room. "Where was I?" Mark questions before resuming what he was doing before. He didn't stop until nothing else would come out.

His stomach clenching at the dissatisfaction. Mark looked down at his body, frowning the tears finally began to fall, "I'm still fat."

Time Skip

The next day Mark walked into school with a sour expression on his face. People stared at him as usual. He hated the stares, but to be fair he's beginning to hate everything.

"Hey Mark!" Yukhei happily greets. Mark fake smiles at the boy. "Why is it getting harder to smile?"

"How's your day so far?" Yukhei asks, walking alongside the boy. "Fine," Mark mutters. Yukhei frowns, wondering if he did something to the shorter boy.

The teens continue walking in silence. Usually Yukhei would talk like there's no tomorrow, but he didn't want Mark to get more mad at him.

"Did I say something mean to him?" Yukhei questions himself. Before they enter the classroom, Yukhei stops Mark. "Just so you know I really like you and you're perfect just the way you are," Yukhei gives the boy a soft smile.

"Perfect? You're not perfect! Don't listen to his lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!" The voice screams in Mark's head. He winces at the awfully loud sound. Despite his silent pain he smiles back at Yukhei and opens the door to the classroom.

Btw please don't force yourself to throw up. It's not healthy for your body it can cause permanent damage to your body. (It can also be deadly) It can damage things such as your heart to your digestive system. It can also decay your teeth and gums due to the stomach acid.

Here's a hotline for mental health: 1-800-662-HELP also known as 1-800-662-4889. (I'm not sure if this works for everywhere :(