My Love and My Hate for You are Infinite ☆ Frerard

Haha, Gay.

Trigger Warning: homophobic slurs. x

My heart feels like it's going to burst from my chest when I say those words, "Why do you hate me?"

I didnt mean to let it out, but now that the question is out there, there is no going back.

This has been the one question on my mind ever since that fateful day when we were thirteen, I mean, obviously he probably hates me because I kissed him, but there is no way that that is the only reason.

My cheeks blush a horrid red colour as I look down and play with the frayed strings from my jeans.

He clears his throat making me look up at him.

"I- I uh- maybe because you're you." is all he says looking away to the window.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I jump up, my voice raising slightly.

He twiddle his fingers together looking anywhere besides at my face, "You just- I dont know, my mind hates you." he states trying to make his voice stern but it comes out as more of a whimper.

"No, that's absolute bullshit Gerard." I yell looking right into his eyes. "We were best fucking friends and then all of a sudden you just fucking drop me for the popular kids? And you say "oh my mind hates you"? What the fuck is that supposed to even mean?"

"Yeah," he starts his voice raising to meet mine, "I did drop you for the popular kids because at least that arent fucking faggots like you!"

His words were like a slap in the face and tears immediately welled up in my eyes, but I forced them back down, clenching my fists at my sides.

"So what, you hate me because I'm gay? You hate me because I'm open about who I like? What gender I prefer? Or, do you hate me because maybe you don't want to admit that maybe you like the opposing gender as well. Maybe you have some internalized homophobia about yourself, so you decided to take it out on your ex bestfriend because you don't know what to think. So, instead of talking to your best friend, you dropped him and beat his ass and broke his fucking heart everyday  for three fucking years." I let out an angry breath wiping the tears that are steaming down my cheeks.

He looks at me in shock for a second, and I can see his own tears welling up in his eyes before his quickly swallows them down and glares at me.

I sit back on my bed deciding I'm done with this conversation regretting everything, wishing I didnt allow my mouth to say those words and cursing Gerard's name in my head.

I stare idly at a spot in my room not trying to stop the tears that are falling from my eyes, my chest heaving as I try to take some deep breaths to calm down.

Gerard stays completely silent too, deciding to just sit there on the floor.

I spare a tiny, quick glance at him just in time to see him hastily wipe a tear from his own cheek.

How rich is that, Gerard Way crying, honestly kind of laughable- I mean obviously seeing him cry breaks my heart, but I've never seen him cry in the entire 16 years of knowing him.

I reach over for my phone to check the time and groan loudly when I realize it only 3:00 p.m. I still have a little over 19 hours left with the person I hate most in the world.

Well, mom, I dont think this is what you thought would happen when you locked us in here, but this is what happened.

I roll over on my bed, my back facing Gerard, and I continue to let the tears fall, my body shaking slightly, I close my eyes and sigh clutching tightly at my pillow.

After a while I check my phone again and apparently I've been laying there for about an hour.

I suddenly feel a presence beside me, but I don't turn around until there is a hand on my shoulder shaking me lightly.

I snap around shaking his arm off and glaring at him, "What the fuck do you want?" my voice cracks but I dont care.

"I- I just wanted to say sorry." he whispered looking down.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, because sorry is gonna fix everything you said and have done."

"I really am sorry, thought. And you were right, about everything."

I look up at him mumbling a "what?"

"You heard me," he sighed. " You were right, I've always been confused about my sexuality and you just made it even more confusing."

"How did I make it more confusing?" I ask.

"You just do." he says looking down at me.

"Whatever." I say turning back around and laying down.

I feel Gerard hesitate slightly before I feel someone lay down beside me.

I freeze when an arm wraps itself around me waste, pulling me close to the other body.

"What are you doing?" I whisper.

"I'm sorry." he repeats tugging me closer to him so that my back is flush with his chest.

"Gerard?" I breathe out, my heart beating quickly in my chest.

"Yeah?" he whispers against my neck, which sends shivers down my spine.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Well, I had to show you how sorry I am in some way since you won't take a verbal apology." he replies wrapping his arm around my waist tighter.

"Oh." I whisper letting him snuggle into my back.

I hesitantly put my hand over his and I can feel him smile against my back, lacing our fingers together.

"Why do you hate me?" he asks, saying the words back at me.

I take a deep breath, "Because, you were my bestfriend and I trusted you with my life and then you stopped being friends with me and decided to share my secrets to the world before I was ready."

"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't handle the fact that maybe I was gay too, and maybe I had a crush on you and I decided to push you away before you had the chance to reject me." he says after a minute of consideration.

I freeze when his words actually start to settle in, he had a crush on me?

Wait- he's gay?

"Wait you're gay?" I ask turning around to face him.

He nods slightly before wrapping his arms back around my waist.

"And you decided to bully me instead of waiting for me to reject you?"

Again, he nods.

"Oh my God, Gerard Way you're a fucking idiot!" I laugh. "Dude, I kissed you- do you not remember that? Why would I kiss you if I didnt like you also."

He gasps slightly, eyes widening at what I said.

"Y-you like me?"

"Of course I do you big dumbass! I've liked you since we were twelve!" I continue laughing watching his face change from five different emotions.

"I-" Before he finishes what he can say, he puts his lips on mine.

I kiss back almost instantly, melting into the kiss.

I am kissing Gerard Way.

I am kissing Gerard Way.

This was not how I expected my Saturday to go.