Remember Us // Byler

Don't leave me in your Past

The ride down this long street seems to go on forever, I am speeding up and slowing down to see if Will can keep up. He tries every time too and bites his lip so he can catch up with me. I've missed the simpler times like this. The points in our childhood where we just ride our bikes all around Hawkins. Just us. No one else... because that's how we wanted it. Will's hair falls all over his face as he rides and every time he pushes it away I giggle a bit.
"What?" Will says half already in laughter like me.
"Nothing at all Will" I say slyly and turn back to the pathway ahead. "Nothing at all"
"Shut up Mike!" We both start laughing and the direction seems longer than it was before.
"Okay Mike seriously where are we going?"
"You'll see Will... you'll see" I start speeding up and we go down a familiar root. I'm sure Will now knows where we are going and I hope this doesn't trigger any bad memories.

We drop our bikes off at the edge of the wood and as I start to walk into the woods I notice Will not standing by my side. I look back to see him looking worried, he's clawing his wrist and I see his face plummet in tone. I've seen this before, we all have. It kept happening after Will was rescued from the upside down. Any small detail could trigger his bad memories, I didn't want to do that and now I think I've done it.
"Will!" I shout over to him "are you okay?"
He looks back at me with his big brown eyes and it looks like he will break any moment but he walks up to me anyway.
"Yeah, let's do it" he forces a smile and walks ahead of me and so I walk just a bit behind him. I don't want to crowd him or force him into something he doesn't want. So, the whole journey I let him lead the way.

After the walk through the wood I see the sun begin to set, knowing how long we've been out for I am not surprised but the others may be worried that we just ran off. I stop for a moment to glance at the sun, the colours are broken into purple, yellow, orange and red. It's like a wash of colour hit the stars and it reminds me of how I feel whenever Will gives me a drawing. I'm fixated on the colours and Will notices this and stops also.
"Mike what are you doing?" His words are soft but I can't take my eyes off the sun. I feel his hand touch my shoulder and I turn to look at him and smile.
"We've been out for so long now Will and the others are probably worried, are you sure you want to go all the way?" He looks down with a pout on his face.
"Yes, we have come this far haven't we?" He smiles before continuing to walk in the direction of his safe haven. He truly is so brave. That something I've always admired about Will. He's not afraid to risk everything. So, I go and follow after him.

As the sky continues to fall into darkness we see the remains of the place Will loved. He stops when realising everything was still there. The last time he was here it seems was when I was here too. I let him walk up to it himself. Castle Byers. Or what's left of it. He traces his hands down the side of the rotting branches. Everything out here seems so lifeless, it's like no one has been out here for a long time. Will walks inside and I am apprehensive to let him do this alone so I follow his footsteps and walk in leaning at the entrance. Will is sitting tracing his fingers up and down the walls of his soft place to land. He turns to me and I smile at him but he doesn't smile back.
"Why'd your bring me here Mike?" My smile drops as I see him turn to face the ground. I slowly walk up and sit beside him. It's cold even though it's summer and I see him shivering but I'm afraid if I try to help that he will be even more offended.
"I-I um..." I take a breath before what I am about to say because I'm scared about how he will react. "I- I um wanted to talk- to talk about what happened last year" I see Will's face drop and I know I've triggered something in him.
"What? About our fight and when I destroyed this place?"
"No no no Will I'm talking about the other time you were upset" I see his confused look at me.
"What other time? I don't understand Mike?"
"You know it was cold and we were sitting and there was um... umm... lights and you came home and... uhhh... um... I hugged you... or something like that" I chuckle a bit at the end as to not alarm what I just said but Will just turns away from me.
"Oh" he says sighing and ignoring my simple attempt to lighten things up. He's obviously still upset about our fight last summer but that was a year ago. How could he still be affected? I still need answers about Christmas time and so I begin my questioning.
"What did you mean when you said there was something wrong with you?" I see no reaction in Will's eyes.
"I- I um don't know Mike it was a long time ago and I can't really remember why I even said-" he turns to face me but he quickly looks away again. I see a tear silently stream down his face and I have to urge to wipe it away, and to grab him to tell him "It's going to be okay" but it doesn't work like that.

"Will" I say softly as to not alarm him "I know you remember what you said... because I couldn't stop thinking about that night... how upset you were and how you were clinging to me... how you needed me again... how I realise I needed you too after all these months of us being apart... I missed you and that made me realise that because when you left just a few days later... I couldn't get those few short moments out my mind... maybe I'm going crazy but we said we'd go crazy together right? So... will you tell me what's going on because... it's always been the two of us and no one else... that's no different tonight... there is no exceptions... just... just talk to me Will..." I see a smile creek on his face and more tears begin to stream. This time I turn his face towards mine and wipe them away. He's shocked when I do this and can't take his eyes off of me as I do it. But once I'm done he just smiles and we both revert awkwardly away at each other.
"Mike"
"Yes Will" I look back at him as he speaks.
"You're right... I-I do remember that night but I just didn't want you to remember it"
"Why Will?"
"Because it was painful enough in the embarrassment I projected onto myself... I didn't want you to remember how I threw myself at my friends boyfriend"
"Ex-boyfriend actually"
"It's all the same though... whether you are together or not you still care for her? You never give anyone else a chance because that's the person you want... the person you wake up everyday for... they are your meaning of life or at least what drives you to live it"
"Woah... Will I-" he stands up and starts to walk out and I try to grab his hand to pull him back before he does but he pushes me away. I chase after him almost banging my head on the entrance of Castle Byers.

Will is just standing still. Not moving a muscle and I see his hands shaking. I walk up behind him and I reach my hand out before stopping myself. "Will I- I-" I take my hand back from reaching for him.
"Will I'm sorry... I shouldn't of brought it up... you aren't ready to talk about how you feel and that's okay... I jus-t.. I uh... just wanted... to um... let... you know... no understand... that I- um I" I jumble all my words up and Will turns around to look at me.
"I know that... if you knew... what I know... that you... um- wouldn't feel this bad or... what's the word... confused!... like me or upset... or... or... lonely" I look up to him to see him smiling back at me and I smile back. Our eyes lock and I start to move forward and to my surprise so does Will. We get closer and closer. Are noses touch and I feel his breath on my lips. I close my eyes and let it happen.
Bang
We hear a loud noise from somewhere around us which pulls us apart. We both scan the area around us before realising whatever it was is long gone by now. We both look at each other and start awkwardly giggling whilst trying to avoid eye contact.
"Okay we really must go now" Will says grinning back at me.
"Yeah I think so too" and so we start to head back towards where we left our bikes. There is is silence for the rest of the journey. But it's not awkward, it's sweet. Whenever I get the chance I look at Will and just smile to myself. Could this really be what I'm looking for? Maybe this is what I'm missing... or rather who I'm missing. We get to our bikes and ride off together but before departing we look at each other and smile. Will rides off in the distance and I just think. What would've happened if we weren't interrupted? It doesn't matter. This changes everything.