Remember Us // Byler

Reconnecting

It has been a week since I left at Mike at the place I was staying. The past week has just been me and El, exploring Hawkins together, occasionally Max or Dustin would join but the past few days I've stayed alone in my room. All I have been doing is drawing, I have almost run out of crayons I can use. I guess I have been trying to avoid Mike, or what happened between us. I mean, if he really tried to kiss me then why would he kiss El, literally the next day? So, maybe I made it all up in my head which is why I couldn't even speak to him. My hand begins to shake as I color the blue in the sky, I drop the crayon which eventually falls onto the floor.

"Shit" I bang the table and slam my face into the palm of my hands, I sob silently hoping no one in my house can hear me. Right now it is only me, El and my mom in. Jonathan went out with Nancy. I can feel my hands become wet with my tears and I pull myself away from the comfort they bring, that's when the door creaks slightly open.

"Will?" It is El and she looks at me very concerned, as tears are still streaming down my face. I jump up to slam the door so she cannot see me anymore. I slide down the door, curl up and wrap my arms around my legs. So, I start to bawl into my legs and I hear a knock at the door.

"Will? Are you sad?" It is El and she says this is a soft tone but I can barley hold myself up never mind talk to her. I stay as silent as I can when crying so she cannot hear my pain, so that no one can hear my pain. "Well we are all going to the pool if you want to come?" I wipe the tears from my face and calm myself down before answering.

"Ye-es, yeah. I-I'll come" I squint my eyes and feel the tears rushing down once more.

"Okay... I'll get ready" I hear her footsteps fade away as she walks off back to her room presumably. Once I hear she is gone I pull the top of my hair whilst crunching my eyes and letting out everything. I cry knowing no one can hear me, knowing that no one wants to, no one at all. I look up to my ceiling before pulling myself to my feet. I walk to the mirror by the wardrobe and see my eyes puffed in redness and my face engulfed in tears. What is wrong with me? I cannot keep pretending that Winter never happened. Like I didn't cling onto the hug Mike gave me. That I wanted the moment to last forever. Him holding me to last forever. I felt safe. Secure. It felt as if he was meant to hold me, but alas that isn't the case. It's wrong. It always has been. The way I feel towards him is wrong. Boys love girls.

After a while of cleaning myself up, I look okay and though I don't feel it I want to see my friends. Especially since I've been avoiding them. Me and El get on my bike and we ride off to meet everyone at the park. Plans had since changed from earlier as some of the party had gone to the pool yesterday.

We arrive and to my surprise I see Mike. He is standing by Lucas.

"El!" Max runs over while saying this and wraps her bestie into a hug. "Thank god you are here cause I can't listen to these boys any longer" they both laugh and Max turns to me "Oh and you too Will"

"Very funny" I mock her in the intent for it to be a joke but I know by my tone it isn't, I am not up for joking right now, I just want to go home. El looks at my still concerned for what happened earlier and she pulls Max off to one side, leaving me with Lucas, Dustin and Mike. They are all is their own circle talking to one and other, but I don't want to engage and so instead I stand alone trying not to burst into tears again. Though I constantly catch Mike's eyes as he looks at me. I then see El run over to the group of boys and grabs Mike's hand. She smiles at him and the four begin to walk off together. But Max isn't with them, instead she comes up to me alone.

"Hey Will? Can we talk" I nod and we start following the rest of the party, but we are far behind them but not far enough that we can't see them. I see the hands of Mike and El swing in the distance, I feel my eyes water but Mike turns to look at me and our eyes meet once more. As this happens Max stops me in my steps and I see Mike vanish before me. "Okay what's going on?" she steps in front of me with her arms folded, stopping me from walking anymore forward.